[haier]

i think they are all lies. when they say "you matter" "you deserve" "survivors have false beliefs of being doomed" they are all lies. i don't matter, i don't deserve and my beliefs of feeling doomed are not false. i wish someone knew the pain i am feeling. the pain i have endured. reality is nobody cares. nobody wants to hear or know. i am alone. always have been always will be. i cry in private every single day because these things are all true. i just want someone to hear me. but it's useless. no matter what i do or how much i try to reach out it is futile. my end conclusion is that they are all lies.

[lynn P.]

(((haier)) - so sorry you're in so much pain. We all deserve to feel we matter and deserve some peace. This is the place to vent and share when you're feeling comfortable. Don't believe the negative messages you were taught. I pray you'll learn to persevere despite the abuse.

[healed84]

You matter, you deserve to be heard.. These are not lies, they are just truths you haven't come to embrace yet or haven't be able to b/c of hurt in your life. It will come. I know that I don't know your specfic pain, but I do understand the emotional pain and the feeling of doom that stem from abuse in my past. Feel free to message me if you need somebody to listen to you.

[haier]

lynn i can't believe that anymore. i've tried preserving so hard. i can't anymore. i feel so incredibly hurt. everytime i try it backfires. why don't i deserve to be heard, i don't understand.

[haier]

healed i can't. i tried reaching out already and i can't anymore. well i am right now but i just want someone to admit that they are lies. i need to prove that they are all lies.

[Uthia]

Originally Posted by haier

i think they are all lies. when they say "you matter" "you deserve" "survivors have false beliefs of being doomed" they are all lies. i don't matter, i don't deserve and my beliefs of feeling doomed are not false. i wish someone knew the pain i am feeling. the pain i have endured. reality is nobody cares. nobody wants to hear or know. i am alone. always have been always will be. i cry in private every single day because these things are all true. i just want someone to hear me. but it's useless. no matter what i do or how much i try to reach out it is futile. my end conclusion is that they are all lies.

I know you have feelings that are completely valid. I hurt for you as I was abused to up until recently. Feeling doomed is a feeling that comes with this Post Traumatic Stress Disorder of abuse. True, who wants to hear about it? No one, not even my current therapist. So I got a new one. I am tired of feeling doom, fear and anxiety EVERYDAY! The reality is that people do care. See, I care and I don't know you, just relate to you so much. I wish I could cry. I was always shunned for that and I can't even have that release I want so badly. I think I am disconnected too, which is not living, not enjoying even the simple things like flowers. Please continue to reach out, I will keep contacting you and your posts. We can share together. Support one another in this struggle we suffer with, ok?

[lynn P.]

Originally Posted by haier

lynn i can't believe that anymore. i've tried preserving so hard. i can't anymore. i feel so incredibly hurt. everytime i try it backfires. why don't i deserve to be heard, i don't understand.

Do you feel like sharing who isn't listening - is it your family who's denying it or not validating your feelings? We're willing to listen - maybe that will help a little. If its your family - some families think they can just weep it all under the carpet and pretend everythings fine. It takes courage for them to admit the dysfunction and they're probably so messed up. That's good you're trying and I'm sorry you're exasperated.

I've been to the bottom where I felt so low and can't take it anymore. We don't realize there's still some strength in us. Do you have a therapist? Let us know why do don't feel heard and validated...if you feel like it.

[haier]

Originally Posted by Uthia

See, I care and I don't know you, just relate to you so much. I wish I could cry. I was always shunned for that and I can't even have that release I want so badly. I think I am disconnected too, which is not living, not enjoying even the simple things like flowers. Please continue to reach out, I will keep contacting you and your posts. We can share together. Support one another in this struggle we suffer with, ok?

thank you. i am disconnected too. i won't even consider suicide because i'm already dead inside. just waiting for the outside to catch on to the inside. i cry not by own will but my body's. i hate myself for this, because i don't like to cry but the pain is so inmense sometimes that the tears and sobs just come out, for no reason. the knot in my throat pushes the tears out of my eyes. i wish i didn't cry too, i feel dumb and stupid because it's something i have no control over. i'm so sad, thank you for listening today.

[haier]

Originally Posted by lynn P.

Do you feel like sharing who isn't listening -

I've been to the bottom where I felt so low and can't take it anymore. We don't realize there's still some strength in us. Do you have a therapist? Let us know why do don't feel heard and validated...if you feel like it.

well you listened today and i felt better. i feel that my therapist didn't listen, but how was she to listen what wasn't voiced. when the pain inside and the knot do not allow you to have a voice. yes, i am at the bottom. where do i get strength from. i can't stop thinking that those are lies and i'm so angry because at least my abusers told me the truth. that i don't matter, that will nobody care, that nobody will listen, that this is the way it is. they didn't lie, they were showing me the truth. and this is my pain, facing this realization that i've known all along.

[Open Eyes]

((((haier)))),

It is good that you are venting your anger because you deserve to do that. But vent as you will however don't believe their lies about no one caring. What they are really saying is that no one cared about them either and they have taken that out on you.

Some people should not have children because it can cause a lot of damage that can be handed down in families.

Hun, I know that you have a lot of negetive people around you and yes, PTSD can be aggitated by that. But be careful sweetheart what you tell yourself, that you don't continue to repeat their messages to yourself. As hard as it is, turn the corner and be forgiving and caring for yourself. All good things come from first showing kindness and care to yourself. Abusers can teach you to hate yourself and if you allow that to happen you are abusing too. You need to reach to the depths of you and do your best to nurture that child in you that honestly deserved to have that.

I know you are angry right now, yes I know the anger too. But don't turn that anger inward or on yourself. It can be hard to bring that part out in you, or even create it for yourself, but you CAN do it.

Keep coming for support and vent away if you need it. But also comfort others because that is something you have to get back in touch with.

((((Hugs))))
Open Eyes

[mrmanatee]

ifeel the same way. if you both feel the same way maybe we are not alone. i'm really struggling with how alone i feel and how much like nothing i feel

[Open Eyes]

(((mrmanatee))),

A lot of this is the disorder of PTSD. I have this feeling too and I think most do that suffer from it. That is why I keep reminding everyone to be kind to themselves with this. It is very easy to get into being hard on one's self with PTSD because there IS a knowing of how others don't understand it. I come here a lot to be honest because here, people do know what it is like to struggle and they do much better with support. I know I do, as a matter of fact it has been a life saver for me. I am grateful that I am living in a time where there is this technology and a place where I can connect with others that are struggling too and can relate to the struggle with the symptoms of PTSD.

I definitely have some very low days myself and I often get very discouraged as well, that too is a part of struggling with PTSD. So for myself, as difficult as it is, I try to be patient and if I need to cry about my struggle, I do. There is a part of the healing that is all about grieving and it is part of working through the PTSD. Keep going to therapy and come here if you need support or to vent.

(((Gentle caring Hugs))))
Open Eyes