[benj1]

I dont know exactly why im doing this. I just need some comfort I guess. I still haven't told anyone.
I was molested when I was 10. I feel so shameful about it. I know it wasn't my fault, but still...
I fell on my bike, and I started to bleed. This man came and said he knew something that would make it better. It didnt. Im a male, so it's such a taboo.

[shezbut]

(((benj1)))

A lot of boys are molested, by men and women. Boys, however, often stuff those feelings of guilt and shame inside of themselves ~ refusing to talk about it.

I'm a girl who was molested repeatedly, at different points of my life. I carry a deep sense of shame and self-hate. While I can tell myself that I don't deserve to feel shame, that doesn't do anything to make me feel better. The only thing that has helped me in the last 30+ years of therapy is my newest T accepting how I feel. His acknowledgment of my emotions really does help me feel a little bit better.

I hope that you're able to see a T, whom you're able to open up to, and share these dark emotions and thoughts that you battle with. Best wishes to you! Welcome to PC!

[RainbowRoad]

Benj1, you are so brave for speaking up. It's hard to break the silence, but it's such an important step. You are not alone.

I am so sorry for what was done to you.

((((Benj1))))

[Sannah]

Hi benj, welcome to PC. I'm sorry that that happened to you. Do you have a therapist so that you can work through this?

[benj1]

yeah I have a therapist. or i will have in three weeks, i haven't started yet.

[benj1]

I dont really know if i will tell my therapist. it wasnt really that big deal

[Sannah]

You don't have to tell right away.

[ColorRed]

Hi benj1 – I’m sorry about what you experienced as a child. Not wanting to tell anyone about it is completely understandable, but I get the sense that carrying these feelings all these years has been a painful burden for you. If you think you’re ready to begin working through this, I know of a book that might help – it’s called The Wounded Heart, by Dan Allender. He was a guest on a radio broadcast earlier this week – you can listen online by searching for “God’s Hope for Wounded Hearts” on the Focus on the Family website. I know from having worked with this organization that they have counselors who will talk with you for free over the phone (855-771-4357) – could be someplace to start. I hope you’ll be encouraged to know that you’re not alone in what you’ve been through. Praying for you…

[benj1]

I'm not from the US, so it will be hard to call that number. I'll might check out the website, but I'm not really religious... I still appreciate the prayers, I'm not the kind of person that gets offended by that.

[Catherine2]

Originally Posted by benj1

I dont really know if i will tell my therapist. it wasnt really that big deal

benj1, you and your therapist will work out what is comfortable for you. The pace of your therapy isn't set in stone.

You went through a very difficult time in your life. You're a survivor.
Many times using the word survivor will cause us to deny that we are...but survivors we are.
Please remember you were a child when this happened. Children seldom have any power over adults, especially so with their abusers.
They are very good at shifting the guilt and shame to us.

At least that has been my experience, benj1. You have already taken the first steps on your path of healing. My own path was full of detours, potholes, and completely losing my way.
It's much, much better now.

Keep posting and let folks know how you are doing. We care.

In Peace,
Catherine