[shezbut]

Years ago, when I was 16, I decided to share my SA past with my parents. My motivation at that time was to stop more sick abuse from occurring in the family, as my aunt had a baby girl with her hub (my abuser).

From there, the family fell apart. A different uncle apologized to my brother for abusing him and admitted to having a sibling thing for years with one of his brothers. BIG mess! But, I really expected the cycle to stop there. No more of this SA, EA, or PA!!

The different uncle is only 7 years older than I am ~ 4 yrs older than my brother ~ anyway, he married and had 2 kids. Shortly after their kids were born, the end of their marriage came as well. They split custody of their son and daughter 50/50. Daughter is now 18 y.o. and son is 15. My uncle didn't make the greatest father for awhile, and the kids were more attached to their mom. Their mom is bi-polar, and I don't know if she's getting any treatment.

I was shocked and terrified to hear that my female cousin has been being mistreated for YEARS. Their mom home-schooled the cousins, but they didn't pass Jr. High, much less higher! My aunt in-law supposedly had a variety of men in and out of the house, who took advantage of my female cousin in several ways. This went on and on ~ with my uncle supposedly trying to see his daughter, but she resisted him (due to lies her Mom told her). Somehow, my male cousin was able to avoid the sexual and drug/alcohol abuse, tightening down in his room. Unfortunately, my female cousin shared a room with her mom.

Hearing these terrible things brings up all sorts of emotions within me. Just a year or so ago, I stopped communicating with my entire family because just the thought of them triggers me! This news is so devastating to me. So F'ing sick, I can't stand it!!! I sure as hell don't want to hear anymore about my poor uncle having to deal with his daughter's abusive past!

Don't get me wrong ~ I do have sympathy for my cousins (LOTS!). But, I can't help but place some blame on my uncle. He had to have noticed some of these horrible things that his kids were putting up with! But, I recall him being rather distant and uninterested with his kids when I last saw them (10 yrs or so ago).

In the meantime, my mom is acting as if she knows everything ~ and acting as though she's the savior to her niece. I don't know how to put it into words, she just has this major tendency to act as though she knows the answers to everything. Huge pet peeve of mine! The same time, I feel like my experiences are being minimized by my mom. She says that she is sorry that I feel I had such a horrible childhood, and is truly sorry that some things that never should have happened did happen to me, BUT has to throw in that she has different memories of my youth.

Ugh!! Sorry about this long post ~ I actually invited her to the hospital, in hopes of inducing myself to have a sz for the EEG and video cameras to see. No such luck! Instead, I have all of this crap back in my life again & it's overwhelming. Depressing. Frustrating. I hate it!!

[Mayflower7]

Hi Shezbut,
I am so sorry you're having such a very difficult time, do you feel triggered EVERYTHING you'd experienced. Not sure if having counselling or have in the past? Might help. Most mum's seem to think know the answer to all in our lives.
So very hard, as most mum's really do care just struggle themselves sometimes too. I know what you mean, know it all's can be a bit annoying.
Some really terrible things happen, hopefully might be able to support your counsin as well.
I find it's helpful to post how i'm feeling, or even helping anyone by just listening
I find very rewarding.
Take care
Kate

[ponder1973]

Your family sounds messed up like mine.

[shezbut]

Originally Posted by Mayflower7

do you feel triggered EVERYTHING you'd experienced. Not sure if having counselling or have in the past?

Thank you Mayflower7,

No, not everything thankfully. But a heck of a lot of my childhood .

I have been in counseling ever since 5th or 6th grade ~ many different Ts over the years and diagnoses though. My mom's very poor treatment of my sister (which is her step-daughter) created a lot of intense tension in the house. My mom's son (my dad's step-son who he adopted) my brother, and my sister fought ferociously. I was the youngest and always screamed at them, begging them to stop. Intense major fights!

I couldn't stand it ~ I felt like I was always watching major fights between some pair in the family (immediate and extended). At every opportunity to escape, I did! Which put me in a bad position. Drinking alcohol began at age 9 and my aunt and uncles blew marijuana smoke in my face ALL of the time, beginning before I was even 5 yrs old. I started smoking it when I was 11 or so. We smoked at all family functions ~ birthdays and every holiday! My parents had to have been in denial to not see or smell that on me!!

When my grandma died, 19 years ago, the family quickly fell apart. Oldest uncle moved to NY, second & third uncles went to WA. Aunt stayed in Southern Ca, my parents went to Central Ca. My ex-hub and I later moved out here, to MN. My sister is always on the move ~ she has AvPD and my parents continue to have no interest in her or her children whatsoever. My brother went to Id ~ he's a narcissistic pig somehow blessed with a terrific daughter now in college. I'm in Mn ~ divorced and struggling to 1/2 parent my 2 elementary school daughters.

I know that you don't need all of this info. It just helps me to explain where I'm coming from. Sorry, it's all just such a mess! I rarely post problems of my own, because I know that I have this tendency to blab on and on. WTH would actually care to read it?? I assume no one. That makes me sad. I become hurt, because I often go out of my way to post (especially to those who haven't received many responses). I know what it's like to be on the other side, depressed & feeling as though nobody gives a hoot.

[roads]

So sorry (((((Shez))))).

[Sannah]

[Open Eyes]

(((Oh Shezbut)))),

I can relate so much to you, even the not wanting to share YOUR problems. I am so glad that you have ACTUALLY SHARED YOU WITH US. I know that must be hard for you as it was for me as well. I hear you, I struggle when I talk about me, my story just goes on and on and I too wonder if I will just overwhelm others.

Like you Shez, my life has come full circle as well and it is the same old story, I am truely struggling and NO ONE HEARS and THAT CONSTANT MESSAGE OF HOW THEY DONT HAVE TIME TO LISTEN OR IT WASN'T THAT BAD OR THEY DON'T WANT TO HEAR "ABOUT ME OR MY ISSUES".

I bet you have a lot of anger going on, I know I do and where the hell do you put it?

Do you realize the when you hesitate and I hesitate to put our feelings here or appologize or feel that for some reason we are imposing, or better yet, HOW CAN WE GIVE SO MUCH GOOD ADVICE AND YET SUFFER SO OURSELVES?, we are expressing WHAT HAD BEEN DRILLED INTO US? That is how we have been imprinted, HOW SAD IS THAT?

Wow Shezbut I am so glad you shared, BECAUSE THAT IS A BIG DEAL FOR YOU TO DO THAT!!!! And I am so HONORED THAT YOU TOOK A CHANCE ON ME AND THE OTHER MEMBERS TO LISTEN TO YOUR PAIN.

I can feel you and your pain Shezbut and I am SO SORRY that you have people around you that are CRAPPY, SELFISH, IGNORANT, ABUSIVE, LOW LIFE PEOPLE.

You are the only GOOD that came out of that family. And as far as the brother who is a narcissit with the daughter who is in college, there is a problem there too that you just are not in focus with.

And you DO give so much VALIDATION FOR SO MANY OTHER MEMBERS HERE. But I ALSO KNOW WHY YOU DO THAT AS WELL, because you said it, YOU HONESTLY KNOW WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE UNHEARD, LONELY, STRUGGLING AND NOT REALLY HAVING SOMEONE TO TRUELY LISTEN.

Well Shezbut, what I know about you is that inspite of your struggles you learned a lot. I mean you don't JUST post to others, YOU ALSO HAVE GOOD STRONG ADVICE as well. I always get a lot out of your posts, you do have a lot of caring and depth to you, even a good amount of strength there as well.

And I also know something else about you Shezbut, if you are anything like me, you wanted someone in your life like that for you as well.

Please do not think you are not important Shezbut, I can lean in that direction myself and it isn't easy to pick yourself up and out of that, I know.

It sounds like the new medicine is working? That even though you are being triggered you have not had a siezure yet? Are you still in the hospital now?

(((Hugs and ears to listen)))
Open Eyes

[shezbut]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

I can relate so much to you, even the not wanting to share YOUR problems. I am so glad that you have ACTUALLY SHARED YOU WITH US. I know that must be hard for you as it was for me as well. I hear you, I struggle when I talk about me, my story just goes on and on and I too wonder if I will just overwhelm others.

Like you Shez, my life has come full circle as well and it is the same old story, I am truely struggling and NO ONE HEARS and THAT CONSTANT MESSAGE OF HOW THEY DONT HAVE TIME TO LISTEN OR IT WASN'T THAT BAD OR THEY DON'T WANT TO HEAR "ABOUT ME OR MY ISSUES".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It sounds like the new medicine is working? That even though you are being triggered you have not had a siezure yet? Are you still in the hospital now?

Thank you so much for your very kind and supportive post, Open Eyes! You've got it right, all of the way ~ and it's very reassuring to see that my experience isn't entirely unusual! Sorry. I truly appreciate every word that you said, but the one's above really stood out to me.

I am still in the hospital, and just began taking the medicine today. I had horrible nightmares last night, waking me, which is more normal for me. So, maybe I'll get lucky tonight and show some sz activity despite the medicine. I'm crossing my fingers! Either way, I go home tomarrow ~ thank goodness! I can't wait to get the heck out of here, lol!!

Thank you for being here for me to listen and respond to my saga. It means more to me than you'll ever know.

(((shez))) I'm so sorry. You don't talk much about yourself and I had no idea. You have every right to be heard, here and irl. You are very important. Please believe that. Please keep talking also.
My family either denies or minimizes so I can understand that hurt.