[happy101]

They say 'one attend funerals to show support to the living relatives'....Well , that kind of makes me think I dont need to support any living relative who actually misses her as they could be her (abusive & narcisstic Mom) evil relatives who dont have a place in my life! I told my siblings that I want nothing to do with abusive mother anymore At one time this used to worry me as do I have to go to her funeral and become a hypocrite? As everthing people say would be untrue as the reality is 1)she did hurt many people,2) she was mean, 3)she wasnt helpful and 3) she wont be missed. My abusive mother is still alive and contemplating to move to a home (she is wealthy) but she's asked for a home run by the church for the less fortunate , yes, shes also very miserly...but was turned down . Anyway, I dont intend to attend her funeral.I may send my husband and tell everyone I was overseas .....
If I attend , 1)I risk having spent a few hours in a totally negative environment,2) risk being attacked by her mental sisters abusive comments 3)trigger some horrible feelings from the past when /if the pastor says nice things about her(the churches here think its their job to forgive the evil they dont know better than to separate good and evil, they make christians appear weak! ) 4) waste my precious time....

You see, Im no longer a victim. Im strong now part of my journey in healing is to totally stand up for myself...........I do as I want.
What are your thoughts and experiences?

[beauflow]

Attending a funeral I also saw as saying the last good bye as well-- closure I guess in some sense....

It is a hard decision for someone that you see in a different light than who would be at the funeral....

I remember one time my father, who did not speak of his parents much; mentioned that for his father when he died, he just sent some flower as a nice jester but he did not need to go to the funeral. I think for him that was enough for closure.

As far as what others would be saying (if you go), let them say what they want, they may not have seen the side that you saw of this person- and they have their pain with this as well.....

I am not sure what to suggest I just saw this and it reminded me of what my father used to tell me of his father's funeral when I was younger.

I think you need to do what you feel is right, if you feel as if you need to go, then go (either support of your siblings or for your closure) or do not go for your reasons.

Hopefully someone else can hop on and give you something better than I, many hugs to you

[bluemountains]

My father (csa) died three weeks ago and I did attend the funeral. I also attended the funeral of my older brother, also csa, as well. I can't explain any of the emotions I have felt yet because I won't let any of these surface.
Bluemountains

[missbelle]

Its up to you and only you...let no one influence you or try to make you feel guilty......