[Dreamy01]

I've worked hard on dealing with my past and thought I was over the worst. Last weekend I went back to my childhood family/area because a member of my family was getting married, the only person I really get on with.

A friend drove me up there. It was the first time he'd met my mum and family. He was horrified He said she was totally wrapped up in herself and completely lacking in empathy. He said he could see what a terrible upbringing I must've had. No one spoke to us at the wedding apart from my mum and the bride did briefly. My friend was shocked but to me it's all quite normal. I know my family aren't interested in me and never have been.

Also, we drove down the road I used to walk down for school as a child and I began hyperventilating

Since the visit I've been disconnected but edgy. It has really shaken me. I feel guilty about my mum and almost want to avoid her calls too because I suddenly feel angry and miserable.

I've done a lot of emotional work on how she was with me but suddenly it feels different now some one else has seen her and voiced their opinion. Suddenly my intense need for love and attention, for someone to listen, makes sense. It's not that I'm greedy or refusing to move on, it's that I really, really need it.

[Butterflies Are Free]

Yes, you do need it and you DESERVE to have it. Sending hugs!