Did anyone else do through neglect growing up from their main caregivers? At first I didn't really think it was that big of a deal, but as I get older I realize that I'm missing a lot of stuff that capable adults have.

Like for example I was severely sexually abused because I was neglected and I think I was specifically chosen to be abused because it was noticed that I was neglected.

My mom was a single mom with three kids and it was really clear that she was bitter she had to take care of us.

There's a lot of stuff I had to learn by watching or are just learning now. Like I was never told "good touch, bad touch". I was never told about shaving. I was never told about how to clean myself. I was never taught how to cook or clean or organize or do basic hygiene or even how to socialize correctly. Some stuff I heard from like my friends parents, they were aware of what situation I was in, so they would stand up and give me purity talks, etc. And I apprectiated those, because otherwise I would have gone in blind. Some stuff I just watched other people, but I am gradually learning that I do a lot of stuff wrong. And my mom currently is trying to teach me stuff. Which I try to take with stride because I'm 25 now and I kind of want to ask "why now?" She's not so bitter now, because we're living on our own and not raining on her parade. Two years ago I had the socialization skills of an eight year old, so I've gotten much better. But it's a constant battle to learn new skills that I never learned from my parents.

[Sannah]

Yeah, I wasn't taught a lot of stuff either and I had to learn from others too. You can catch up. I feel like I did. You do learn faster as an adult.

Yes. I'm still trying to catch up. It's hard.

[suzzie]

((((((lydiab))))))

i wasnt taught anything either. and had no friends to learn from. i taught myself with tv shows. probably not the greatest way.

[beauflow]

it really sucks that many have this situation;

-- observation, learning from others, books/tv, it is some times what ya need to do-- I was fortunate on *some days* while growing up that my oldest sister, unfortunately took the mommy role at age 9 for her when i was born, she and my older siblings had a good (and bad effects) but none the less it was something--- I remember when i was 12-ish, it was my 2nd oldest sister to tell me about shaving my self should be part of my hygiene and about some puberty things (she is 6 years older than I am)-- Not our parents... our mom was useless with these things, she had a lot of issues, and dad- pfft- lot of his own issues.

As an adult and realizing that skills are poor in some areas is sometimes, for me at least just a reminder of not a great start off in this world which I wish was different but it is, what it is...

Keep going, keep trying and keep striving-- I know at times I forget from time to time, but you (we all are) are gaining as going

All I can say is that -- Learn form their (parents like this) mistakes as well ....



not sure if any of that is helpful-- be well all

Originally Posted by Sannah

Yeah, I wasn't taught a lot of stuff either and I had to learn from others too. You can catch up. I feel like I did. You do learn faster as an adult.

I'm glad you learn faster as an adult. I always find it harder as an adult because it wasn't engrained from childhood. Sort of like you have to learn languages by a certain time to speak them fluently easier, I feel like I missed growth areas. Like at age 7-9 you learn socialization, etc. I sort of skipped those and learning them as an adult is proving really difficult for me.

beauflow- yea my mom never taught me anything about puberty. I learned a little bit in like health class. And then like I said I had my friend's parents. I was always the child who didn't have curfews and was just always around because I had no restrictions, so I guess they sort of guessed I pretty much raised myself, so they would give me talks and my friends would get so embarrassed. I am gradually starting to learn what parents were "supposed" to do. I thought for the longest time that what I had was normal. I didn't really know anything else. I was very naive. I survived but I was naive. I am glad you had an older sister to help. I had two older brothers. One of which hated me, and the other was only two years older, he wasn't neglected like me and the oldest brother. He taught me some stuff, but mostly he was annoyed by me.

[Crew]

After working with children and seeing how parents are with most of there children as they come to pick them up. (((LydiaB.)))))) I can totally relate and yeah watching the Brady Bunch and tv shows.
Then in like 3rd grade my mother gives me this box.
and she leaves and tells me to read it. I am 8 years old. I look into this box showing me huge long pads and a thingy you put to hold it and she said this is to take care of stuff. I won't go way into it but no one telling me anything being locked in a closet and the mother forgetting b/c she was passed out from being drunk.
I'm sorry I will stop. I do totally understand and I am still searching for me, who I really am inside of me.

crew

I'm glad you were able to share Crew. You know those areas on facebook and stuff that ask "about me". I would never have an answer, because I never knew who I was. Like you said. I would just leave it blank. But I'm starting to come up with answers to it gradually. I'm finding myself wanting to fill out and not getting so anxious over that part. I haven't yet. But I'm finding myself wanting to. Which is a complete 360 to even a year ago where I would have minor panic attacks because I had no idea who I was.