[maitri_please]

Hey friends!

I'm 25 and a survivor of childhood emotional and physical abuse, and the abuser was my mother. I grew up in an Asian culture where being hit was the norm, so for a long time, I didn't even realize that all the stuff she was doing was manipulative, negligent, controlling and absolutely unloving. I'm starting to realize that I've been putting on a fake front for all of my life and intentionally avoiding intimacy with others so I would not have to deal with parts of myself that I didn't like, as a result of my abuse.

I started therapy about 4 months ago, and have tried talking about my trauma, but I get so overwhelmed and also sometimes question how talking about it is going to make me better....not in a pompous way, but honestly questioning it because now I'm beginning to be a mess, and have started getting nightmares about my mother.

I think I'm still at the acceptance stage, where I'm recognizing that abuse did happen, and that my neurosis is not reflective of the real me, and that I am worthy of love and able to give love. I know that at the back of my mind but don't believe it.

Anyway, I want to share my story so bad. And also was wondering if anyone had ideas on how to process trauma? I have a feeling that my therapist has NO IDEA, and is just pulling stuff out of his ***, which gets frustrating for me because it makes me not want to "go there" if he doesn't have the techniques and tools necessary to help me process and talk about my trauma. One of his suggestions was to write my story in a forum like this and gain support from other people who have been through this...so here I am

Thanks, and I respect each and every one of you for living through hard situations and for being courageous. Peace!

[Purple Heart]

Originally Posted by maitri_please

Hey friends!

Anyway, I want to share my story so bad. And also was wondering if anyone had ideas on how to process trauma? I have a feeling that my therapist has NO IDEA, and is just pulling stuff out of his ***, which gets frustrating for me because it makes me not want to "go there" if he doesn't have the techniques and tools necessary to help me process and talk about my trauma. One of his suggestions was to write my story in a forum like this and gain support from other people who have been through this...so here I am

Thanks, and I respect each and every one of you for living through hard situations and for being courageous. Peace!

Hi

I’ve learnt a very good way this past year how to process trauma. When you’re neglected/abused as a child you become traumatised at that certain age whether it be 3, 8 or 15 for example. For me I did a program by connecting with that child at that certain age that experienced that certain trauma. It’s about connecting with your inner child and allowing her/him to have a voice, a voice denied. And allowing him/her to express what they felt at the time that they were abused/neglected. For me I allow the inner child to scream. This allows the trauma to be released and you commence healing. Also understanding what the child experienced is also very healing and therapeutic but also very painful. But if you can do it allows you to move on. But before going any further I think you need to find a therapist that can help you work through your trauma. It’s not something you can just do by yourself. This is what I do but have needed a lot of help/support to achieve this. You can’t do it alone.

[Sannah]

Hi Maitri, welcome to PC. Why do you think that your T doesn't know what he is doing?

[geez]

I am a CSA survivor and my mother was not 'mom material'. I would find a therapist that is experienced in trauma.

I am currently seeing one (T2) and unfortunately it's not a good fit for reasons I won't go into on this thread but there are good T's out there. I am also going back to T1 because she has some EMDR training and I think that could help me.

There is a GREAT BOOK that I just started reading and it's amazing! I felt like it was written for me. Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/157...ls_o00_s00_i04

There are exercises in there and it has helped me become really aware of what I am always saying to myself that is hurting me. What I say to myself is tied in with my abuse history.

Perhaps you could try a workbook with your T? of find another one while you go to sessions with this T?

PM me anytime I'm here.

[geez]

Originally Posted by Purple Heart

Hi

I’ve learnt a very good way this past year how to process trauma. When you’re neglected/abused as a child you become traumatised at that certain age whether it be 3, 8 or 15 for example. For me I did a program by connecting with that child at that certain age that experienced that certain trauma. It’s about connecting with your inner child and allowing her/him to have a voice, a voice denied. And allowing him/her to express what they felt at the time that they were abused/neglected. For me I allow the inner child to scream. This allows the trauma to be released and you commence healing. Also understanding what the child experienced is also very healing and therapeutic but also very painful. But if you can do it allows you to move on. But before going any further I think you need to find a therapist that can help you work through your trauma. It’s not something you can just do by yourself. This is what I do but have needed a lot of help/support to achieve this. You can’t do it alone.

Purpleheart what type of therapy methods or style did your T use?

[tan86]

Hi, I'm not asian, but i was the only girl out of 4 boys and never felt wanted. I'm sorry to hear your story, have you realised now why she was like that? She never really hit me , but she never nurtured me either and so we don't have a common mother and daughter relationship which I dearly missed. She never played with me, talked me through puberty and gave me any skills to be a woman. She never made me feel special or makesure I dressed well and kept clean. She ignored me an awful lot as child. It was only until I became a teenager, I realised that she had learning difficulties and never knew how to read and write and was a slow person generally.