[healed84]

******TRIGGER talk of rape********

Next week at my appointment with my T I will be reading my story of the rape. I have never told anybody the details at that day. AT. ALL.. I am very scared to read it to him, but I think one of the reasons that I am is b/c there is a detail in the story that makes me feel like it was my fault or that is wasn't rape. I was 10, the guys were at least 4 or 5 years older than myself.. However, it started as I know inappropriate touching, but once it esclated they wanted me to go home and change (into a skirt, I guess to make it eaiser).. and I did it. They follwed me home, hung around my yard until I came back out and I went with them. I know at 10 I probably didn't know what the heck was happening. However, I guess I feel that since I went back.. It was like I was letting them do it. I mean, I no I wasn't really a partcipant while it happend (from what I can remember, I don't remember much of the details of the event itself. )..

So, is this not rape? Is it my fault? That is what scares me, like I will tell T the details and he will say something like that. I feel imense guilt surrounding this one detail and I don't know how to deal with it. And excuse me while I freak out... I have never shared this much detail ever.. I need to some thoughts!!

[Shishkeberry]

Heck no, that wasn't your fault! You were only ten. Even if you had been an adult it wouldn't have been your fault. I'm so sorry that happened to you.

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

Absolutely NOT your fault, they were significantly older than you and they knew better than you what was to be expected. I told my t something similar, told him how a couple of the times I didn't fight back, and he explained to me, that at that age you don't see sex the way you do as an adult (which makes looking back on the past difficult because you are seeing it from adult eyes and not a childs eyes) it's basically to some kids, a way to feel loved or close to someone when they are lonely.

I'm not making sense so I'll leave it at that. But please do know this was not your fault, and if your t is worth anything at all he will know this.

[pbutton]

It is most certainly not your fault.

No ... not by a mile. Not at all

[Big Mama]

Definiately not your fault. I stayed with a man and returned every weekend to be raped again just because I hoped he'd change. This went on for 9 months. I was young and afraid.

This is not your fault. You did not deserve this. I didn't deserve what happened to me you didn't deserve what happened to you. Only after bringing this up in T 20+ years later did I realize that this was not my fault.

Believe me. This was not your fault. I hope your T can help you deal with this. Good luck and be brave.

[critterlady]

It is not your fault. You were 10. Just a baby, really. There's no way any decisions you made then could be construed as making you in any responsible.

[JLarissaDragon]

You are not at fault. When you are the victim you are never at fault. When I was raped at 14 I was made to feel like it was my own fault too. I went through all kinds of guilt and depression as a result. When you are a child, you cannot be held responsible in that sense. You deserved to be protected not made vulnerable like that.

It is important to forgive yourself for any false guilt that you might feel. You are a wonderful and precious human being and you need to be loved and protected

Hugs

Larissa

[Leed]

A 10yr old is a baby~of course it's' not your fault! How were you to know?

Toss that guilt, it doesn't belong to you! You are NOT at fault!

[BrokenNBeautiful]

these ppl took advantage of you.

I am so sorry.

My last former bf back in 2009, he forced me to let him do something to me. I did resist and he held me down. Someone could have argued and said I didn't even have to have him over, but I was lonely, he was the only friend I had at the time and back then I thought I needed a man to feel validated.

Yes, why couldn't I have been "stronger"?

Because I had not yet broken away from my pattern. I was still living "survivor" behaviors, still did not know how to love myself.

Yes, it's lonely living without love. I still want it. I wanted it then. And I thought I had it, but all it was was emptiness.

I am working on not blaming myself now.

I cannot expect to be invincible. or to have been then. I needed love and I wanted it, too. I needed companionship, someone to talk to someone to hang out with someone to be held by.

And that guy took advantage of me and forced himself on me.

Not me.

Him. He did that, that f***er!

so sorry this happened,

Billi