[ShaggyChic_1201]

I was severely abused for 18 months by the resident assistant in my college dorm. I remember bits and pieces of the torture, but not his name. It was 20 years ago and I don't know what happened to him, where he is, or if he's anywhere near me (I moved across the country since then). Everytime I see an Italian name, I try it on to see if I have any reaction to it. I know it sounds stupid to obsess about the name, but it really bothers me.
Just venting. don't expect any replies.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I feel similarly about accents and about names.

Very triggery.

Carol

[azizaAkos]

I understand I can remember the person from my home towns first name that's it and the name is common and it triggers me too. I often find myself wondering what happened to him etc I feel extreme guilt too because I never reported it but was just a kid at the time and afraid.

[SocioJayOlogy]

I never knew my abusers name... well at least you can trace them and arrest them. Have someone find it out. If I knew you id have done it already. Sick weirdoes deserve everything bad that comes to them I believe that

[Jannaku]

Hi. Somehow knowing the name will help in your healing and closure. To still be obsessing over the name to me means that you are still struggling with what happened. Doesn't the college have records which could help you find this name? or are there any other people you were friends or people who would remember? Go to the police and file a report even though it happened 20 years ago or ask someone how to go about it? Hey in Australia where I'm from there are Catholic Priests getting done for sexual abuse that happened more than 20 years ago so what's the difference? Best of luck

[Silent_Tears_17]

You may be able to find a yearbook/ graduation book. Between pictures and names you may be able to find him. And going to the police is a great idea. Just telling someone, taking the situation into your own hands, taking back control will probably be very empowering.
Best of Luck!

Silent_Tears_17

[ShaggyChic_1201]

Thanks for the suggestions. I don't know why I haven't done these things. I'm still too terrified to really think about what happened, even after all these years.

I am going to try EMDR to maybe learn to process some of these things. Has anyone been successful with it?

[Sigster66]

I have been in and out of therapy, PHP, and inpatient stays in my adult life and only now at 46 do I have a pretty clear memory of my abuse and abusers. I had a therapist who specialized in Dissociative Disorders and he helped me realize how normal it is to dissociate during abuse. Much of mine was as a kid so I became skilled at it to survive. I feel safe now and know who my abusers were and have cut contact with a family member that was a perp that I dissociated. If you cannot get a real name nicknames sometimes help and give you power. I went the police route and they did not do much 20 years later and their sceptical attitude was hurtful. My civil suite went much better.

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