[tigersassy]

With it being holiday season, I'm finding it more and more difficult to forgive the people who hurt me. Including myself. I wish I knew what magic is needed to make the forgiveness of someone permanent. Forgiveness is something I have to give new each and every day. Am I the only one? Some days to me are easier than others but I feel bad that I've not completely forgiven everyone.
Tig

[mazing]

You are not alone. I feel exactly the same way most of the time. Some days are easier than others but it often still hard to forgive.

[Real Magic]

I remember reading somewhere that forgiveness is not a feeling. But an act of will, that you can still be in blinding pain and rage and still forgive.

Could it be that you have forgiven, but still feeling pain?

[Lamplighter]

What an interesting notion you've made me see for the first time Tigersassy! I'm sorry you're feeling bad about not being able to feel like you've permanently forgiven people, but what you've said has put forgiveness in a much better perspective for me.

To wit - I've always assumed forgiveness is a one-off once and for all thing, that you just forgive and hey presto everything's fine and peachy keen. So some days I find myself feeling equable even understanding and accepting of people with whom I'm really angry and think, oh ok that's that sorted then. And then other days I feel just as bad and raging and blaming as ever and think so much for having forgiven them and understanding and accepting (and it makes me feel crap because I hate feeling negative and angry and blaming, they are such self defeating and counter productive feelings for me) and I feel like a total failure and like I've learned nothing changed nothing and am doomed to continue feeling rubbish and hating and blaming myself for the rest of my life .

So your post has just made me realize that actually, maybe forgiveness is incremental, not a once and for ever thing at all. That some days it's possible to forgive and other days it seems impossible. Like everything in life, it changes and fluctuates and now I feel a whole lot better and can see that the days I do feel forgiveness, understanding and acceptance, are something to be happy and proud about and see as progress.

Not sure if that means anything to you, but wanted to post to explain this and to thank you for your comments, because they really opened my eyes

Torn

[Sannah]

I think that some healing needs to come first.

[BLUEDOVE]

Some things are just not forgivable. Try rising
so high in your own estimation,you KNOW you
are ABOVE whoever.
Deepest Respect,
BLUEDOVE

Originally Posted by tigersassy

With it being holiday season, I'm finding it more and more difficult to forgive the people who hurt me. Including myself. I wish I knew what magic is needed to make the forgiveness of someone permanent. Forgiveness is something I have to give new each and every day. Am I the only one? Some days to me are easier than others but I feel bad that I've not completely forgiven everyone.
Tig

You hit the nail on the head for me- I have to forgive every day, a thousand times a day some days. Some days I don't forgive, and the memories torment my consciousness until I fall asleep (or drink or smoke weed when I'm not sober) I don't think that this is abnormal, if it is easy for one to forgive I assume the wrong done was not major. Forgiveness is a choice, and a continual decision we can flip-flop too. Being aware of the elusive nature of forgiveness has given me the freedom to forgive on a deeper level somewhat. I still have to forgive every time a memory graces my mind with it's terror and pain. You are not alone.

[tigersassy]

Its good to see I'm not alone. The holidays just make this really hard I feel guilty sometimes when I find it hard to forgive. It makes things difficult when the hardest thing for me to forgive would have haddirect implications to the holidays had I not made a decision that was deemed necessary for survival. But life goes on and I try truly try to forgive everyday. This month is so hard though. Sorry for repeating a few times minds over working.

[Leed]

You don't forgive for the OTHER person. You forgive for YOURSELF. Who cares if the other person knows or not if you've forgiven them. Chances are they couldn't care less. We need to forgive for our OWN sake. If we don't, we'll eat ourselves alive. "Resentment is the poison I take to kill you." And it's true. The people we resent don't have a CLUE that we resent them. They don't care!! They're off living their own little lives, while we're at home killing ourselves with our resentments!!

WE MUST forgive others so keep ourselves healthy mentally and physically! That doesn't mean we have to ask them to dinner. LOL It just means we need to forgive them for what they've done -- and get on with OUR lives. It IS divine to forgive.

Take care and God bless. Big hugs, Lee

[skeksi]

Forgiveness is more of a process than an endpoint, in my mind. I think your willingness to work towards it is admirable--don't beat yourself up for not "doing it perfectly" (if that's what you are feeling). It's harder at some times more than others, certainly--your willingess to work towards it is what's meaningful.

[LadyShadow]

Forgiveness is hard. I have a hard time doing it myself. Recently I forgave an ex-friend who I used to go to group with and became close with who completely shut me out. I hugged her and kissed her when I saw her in the waiting room at my therapist's office on Christmas Eve.

Believe it or not, it felt good, almost like a release.

You have to be ready for it though, and sometimes it takes months or even years to get there.