[Douglas MacNeill]

Hello, all:

I've not said anything about this before, but I need advice.

I live with my mother.
Sometimes, during interactions with my mom, I hear her say things
that, when I first hear them, sound incredibly judgmental and hurtful.
I'm almost always afraid when she asks me to come to talk with her.
Sometimes, I'm afraid to come home from work and talk to her (if I'm
even five minutes later than I said, or have transit trouble, or have
something at work that isn't finished in time for me to return home on time).

Often times, in the wake of such situations, I act like I'm confused or even
doubtful about myself. I often ask myself if I'm really feeling what I feel
(as if I'm somehow dissociated from my emotions). I've been diagnosed with
what DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th edition) would call higher-functioning autism spectrum disorder (formerly known as Asperger's Syndrome) and I experience situations of dissociation from myself almost every day. As far as my social/romantic life is concerned:
I rarely visit social functions outside of work, and I've never dated. I
don't know whether it's because I haven't found anyone suitable, or because
I'm not "being myself," or whether it's because I'm afraid I might hurt someone
physically or emotionally--the reasons for it must live in my unconscious mind.

Here's where you come in, and where I need advice: I sometimes think or
feel that I am experiencing emotional abuse in my relationship with my mother.
However, given my mental condition, the problems I have "expressing"
feelings, and my own self-doubt, part of me thinks that I'm being delusional
when I suspect that emotional abuse is going on.

Any advice you can offer would be thanked and appreciated.

[Leed]

If what you hear first sounds judgmental, or sounds mean, it probably IS judgmental and mean.

If what you hear FIRST sounds abusive, it probably IS abusive.

What you hear FIRST is almost always what you have really heard.

This is what I've read and was told. Ask your T about it, and see what he/she says. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by Douglas MacNeill

I'm almost always afraid when she asks me to come to talk with her.
Sometimes, I'm afraid to come home from work and talk to her (if I'm
even five minutes later than I said, or have transit trouble, or have
something at work that isn't finished in time for me to return home on time).

You are having these feeling ^ for a reason.

Originally Posted by Douglas MacNeill

I act like I'm confused or even doubtful about myself. I often ask myself if I'm really feeling what I feel

Sounds like you haven't developed your own identity?

Also overall, it sounds like you don't feel empowered?

[BLUEDOVE]

Hi Doug,
I think Leed is right on the button here.
So do try and trust yourself.Quote:"In order to
love (even like) one's self,one must behave in
ways one can admire." Behave in ways you can
admire in yourSELF,what others think of your
behavior,is none of their business.Your primary
purpose is to look after YOU--all others,even
loved ones,come a close SECOND.Your first duty is to YOU.
Courage+Respect,
BLUEDOVE