[jeannie812]

I was a survivor of abuse and went right back to it after a year absence. My new guy isn't quite as bad as the rest yet he reminds me of my past relationships. He always has to be right and stomps around when I question him. He is mostly absent yet he insisted that we become boyfriend and girlfriend.

He does help me out with my difficult hyperactive son but gives me little in the relationship area. I'm alone most nights and weekends. He calls it a "night out" when we run errands for a few hours during the day. It's now summer and I really wanted campfires and grill outs... but all that he sees is we are "squared up".

I'm sorry to load this on all you when I am new but I really need some help to break away from this. He ignores me when I tell him I want to break it off. He says I'm being crabby.

I could use his help with my son, yet I have already put myself on the back burner for my children. I have taken abuse too often thinking I was doing it for my children. They may have benefitted but I really lost.

With my first husband...I put up with the abuse from his family every Christmas. I just knew that if I walked out to spare myself the verbal abuse...that my husband would eventually use that against me. He would scream to the world that I walked out on my kids on Christmas...so I stayed and took the abuse from his family every Christmas visit. I also never stepped out of the car when he stopped to "check out" other women. I thought he would use that against me too. I sat in car with the kids while hubby checked out the women, and the kids would ask me what Dad was doing. It was confusing to them.

I was right because he sure did use anything he could against me in our divorce, except he couldn't say that I walked out, because I never did! The courts catered to him and looked at me like a liar. He told a better story.

I almost lost my youngest son to his dad. His dad sought me out when I was going through my divorce. I found out later that I had picked a bigger meaner monster to chase off the first monster. Restraining orders did no good against my first husband. He convinced the courts and my own attorney saying that I'm difficult. I thought Andy (eventually my youngest son's dad would chase away this bad man)

Anyway, my youngest boy's dad messed with my mind quicker than my first husband. It was pretty easy. He simply asked me about bad things my husband did to me. He then did the same things. He successfully got me to tell him how to tear me down easily.

He didn't succeed with grabbing custody of our son though. He acted out of anger when I left him like the first husband did before. I'm not unfit like he claimed. I simply told the guardian et litem that he was acting out of anger and gave her a history of our relationship.

The next boyfriend went to jail and then I left him.

*The boyfriend after that bought a nice house in the neighborhood where I lived. *

I moved in with him after a year. He was always nice until I moved in with him. He began browbeating me from the first day. He really had me. I had given up my house for his bigger house and didn't have the money to go back. I had no money to rent somewhere, it was too expensive in the area. I wanted my older kids to finish school where they had lived most of their lives.

So I put up with the abuse.

Eventually this boyfriend got tired of me. My youngest son was a handful and that didn't go with this boyfriends plan. He only wanted a built-in-maid. He kicked me out. He minimized that he caused me to lose my previous home. The most insulting thing about it is that he tells my daughters that he still loves me. My daughters look at me like I'm cheating because I moved on and looked at other men.

I met my current guy 7 months ago. Met him out here. I moved out to the country where land and taxes are cheaper. Met him on a dating site. He told me that he was waiting for me before he ever met me. Just my emails kept him on hold. Now that I know him better, I learned that it's because he likes women timid and he sensed that from my email. Also, eventually from first meeting me.

He is so confusing, yet he's not. He does the classic where he's gotta be right. He stomps around everytime to make sure he gets his way. He talks me down to tell me I'm wrong. He comes up with certain situations to prove his claim yet I know that is not the whole story. If he is so right, why am I so miserable with him.

I know better than this. Yet here I am. I got sucked in again for thinking I will benefit my child. My youngest son is not fitting in socially. He gets into trouble.

I am not preaching to any of you readers. I am telling this to myself. The boyfriend is not helping me. He is messing with my mind and teaching my son how to treat me. If the boyfriend was truly interested in me, he would be coming around to sit outside and enjoy the company but he choses to distance himself during these moments. He only comes around as the bad guy to correct the boy.

I should offer to pay him to be the parole officer if he releases me as his girlfriend.... What is the hourly rate on that?

Jeannie

[ster]

Maybe the problem is the main thing that is constant in these relationships. Help u to get more confident in yourself and dont put up with being downgraded from anyone. no one deserves that. Good luck. this is a place where there are a lot of people understand and talk to U. welcome to PC.

((((((((((((((jeannnie))))))))))))))

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((( jeannie )))))))))))))))))

(ugh at the current guy..... sounds familiar ...I agree with ster's post too)

[(JD)]

Best to recorrect yourself before it becomes worse... and it always does. You must give yourself not only time to heal, but plenty of time to learn about good relationships. You deserve it!