[Valis]

I have a big dilemma, and I was hoping someone could give me thier perspective. Thanks.



Recently my T has brought up the subject of my step brother and the effects my home situation on him.

He's eleven years younger than me, so he was "lucky" enough to be extremely young while the situation between me and my step father was becoming very bad.

Now I'm twenty - one and my step brother is ten. I have had the luxury to escape my home situation, but I'm not so sure about my younger step brother. My brother, I think, is treated much better than I was, so I never really considered how my step father's instability would effect him. At the same time though, I was too worried about my personal well being to pay too much consideration.

My T told me that, my step father would gradually begin "the cycle" with my younger brother as he got older, and began to develop a sense of idenity and independence.

She told me that it was "very likely" that my brother would be exposed to the same physical and mental pressures of my step father (if not already).

This troubled me a lot. Its hard to image my younger brother going through some of the very abusive situations I did. It's even harder to imagine that that he will "escape" from the situation like I did, considering how lucky I was.

This, I believe, puts me in the middle of a very sensitive situation.

Its hard for me to sit back and do nothing, knowing that my step brother's physical and mental health may be (most likely is) in jeopardy.

At the same time, I have vowed to myself that I would never ever speak to my step father again because of his past transgressions. My pstd becomes extremely apparent when I'm even within a mile of the man.

There is another side of me that doesn't care what happens to my brother, or the rest of my family though. Deep down inside I still have this childish resentment that my step father would knock the crap out of me and do all sorts of other things, but my baby brother would leave the room unscathed.

I feel guilty knowing that another innocent child will be left in the care of my step father (who is completely un-fit).

I feel even more guilty sitting here, doing nothing, knowing how my step father is, and how my brother will probably end up.

This is exactly how the cycle of abuse continues on: some idiot like me sits around, knowing it's going on, but does nothing. This is how people like ME end up in this world.

What do I do????

I feel terrible.

[Kalamity]

I would try to find a way to let him know that if he ever needs someone to talk to that you are there for him, that he can count on you to not share what he tells you, that you won't judge him, etc. I wouldn't talk to him about what you experienced or ask outright if anything is happening as that could potentially backfire and create trouble where there is none.

Hopefully by opening the door and building that sense of trust with him he will come to you if there's something bad happening.

[mtd]

This must be a very confusing situation for you, trying to balance your needs for safety with your valid concerns for your brother. I think you should try to find safe ways to communicate with your brother. When mine was in trouble, I just made clear that he could call anytime he needed help, and I would be there. Eventually, he called, and I was the first call simply because I had made clear I would help no matter what -- no judgments.

I would also encourage you to begin speaking with your local child welfare agency (depending on your state, it might be the Department of Children and Families, or Depatment of Family Services, something like that). Department case workers are usually overwhelmed with too many cases, but in my experience most of them care and may have ideas on how you can safely monitor things or they may be able to help also. If you call and explain your concerns, someone should be willing to sit down with you. If you get brushed off the first time, call again a few days later until you get someone who will give you the time. Stick with it, your brother is worth it. I think you need to do something for your peace of mind, and this way may help.

Hope this helps.

Be well,

mtd

[Rhapsody]

I would say..... IMHO - to monitor the situation, but do not do anything that might cause you more damage or your step-brother any undo emotional stress.... for what happened to you may never happen to him.... one reason being that your brother is this mans natural child.

While I was mistreated by my step-father my other siblings were not - I was the chosen one for this mans anger..... my younger brother, this man child with my mom was given the golden treatment at all times..... for he was their natural child together, where as my 3 sisters and 1 brother were not.

Good Luck..... and YES, do let you step-brother know that you are always there for him.


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[desirae]

So sorry you are going through this right now. There's all sorts of actions that can be done about the safety of your brother, but it's whether you feel you showed come on in to this situation is what it all depends on. Sadly these awful things happen, and nothing can be done, or nobody knows, but if there is somebody, like yourself, out there that knows or suspects then I feel you have some sort of duty to say something, even if it is anonymous.

Please do something because imagine what pain you can spare him if you do. You have control over the next cycle......you can beat him from the other side without even seeing him. I think it would be worth it.