[beadlady29]

warning their is a lot of trigger in hear related to childhood sexual abuse so please dont read iffen u cant handel it rite now.....................

so like we haave some freinds who have an 11 year old boy that we watch every once in a while. he usually come over for the week end. well last time he come over for the weekend beads let him use her computer he said he was going to play games on it. and every time i looked over his shoulder he was. but after when he left to go home beads went to get on puter and found a bunch of child porn on it. so this child was hear today and i quesstioned him about it. he said yes he had been looking at it.
beads explained to him that most of them girls is being forcced to do that stuff.....and that it is quite tragic and traumatic for them...........then we went on to explain to him why it struck such a nerve with beads. we told him about being kidnapped and gangraped by 8 men at the age of 13. we told him how our dad used to rape us and pass us around to hi freinds to have their way with us to......we told him when we was quite a bit younger then he is now. anyway s we thing he got the message.......he asked us iffen we was all rite and we telled him yes. but of coursse beads is anything but all rite..........we feel so horrible adn filthy liek a peice of meat all over again...................just ncant seem to shaek it..................and also wonderign if we did teh right thing or not.........most likely not we usually screw up we prolly did again..........we just wanted him to know how terribel that stuff is ya know.......and now we feel worst then terribel......................

[Lauru]

It's ok. You are ok and a good person. It is ok. You are not alone.

[Sannah]

Hi Beads , do you feel exposed and vulnerable after that?

Why would an 11 yr old be looking at child porn? Is he being abused? Also, you could get in trouble I think for having that on your computer if the police ever got a hold of it.

[beadlady29]

Dear Sannah,
Yes Sannah,,,,,,extremely!!!! adn also just liek that littel girl that it was happenign to all over agin.................we just wants to curl up in a ball underneath a blanket underneath uor tabel nin teh beadroom since we aint got a closet to hide in.....................but then d wuold just yell at us soem moer adn we dont catn hadnle that riet now so we have not gone their. we r tryign so hard not to lose control adn gotta tell u it has been a reaally tuff 24 hours. beads has odid soem disoceiatign not muhc sleep had teh dadgum nitemares agin whitch had stopped adn d said we punched him whielwe was asleep................sorry buot that..............but anyways this is so not good adn if u have beened followign uor posts u no we have no T riet now witch mean we have NO ONE to takl to Sannah it hurts so friggin bad ........................................................................................................
tearfuly,
marsidotz

[beadlady29]

Dear Snnah,
To anser teh rest a ur questions.........ummmmmm we thunkeds he learn it from his dad hwo used to look at it on teh desktop cputer in teh livign room (thaknfully that puter dotn exits no moer) in frotn of teh kids.
no we do not thikn he is beign abused but his mother does yell liek cconstatnly we dotn liek her at all she yell at beads to adn wriet mean thigsn on uor facebook pg. she makes us cry alot but we have to be civil to her ccuz her husbaadn is uor bf's goodets freidn. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr y we dunno but that how it is adn it sucks adn we feel sorry faar teh littel boy ccuz a all teh drama so we let him coem aand stay teh weekedn whenever he wants to as logn as beads feelign up to it judst sdo he can get a break from teh yellign.
marsidotz
ps..whats ISFJ? just wonderign

[Nelliecat]

That's so lovely that you want to look after this little boy but don't forget to look after beads too

[beadlady29]

Hi Nelleicat...................thakn u.................we is tryign to look after beads.......we doestn feel so good rite now hurtign really bad isnide just maekign us go thru teh motoins a teh day cuz we haev to but we dotn waatn to.
beads

[Nelliecat]

(((beads)))

I hope you manage to be safe, feel safe and do what you need to comfort yourself

[beadlady29]

Thakn u very muhc nelleicat!!U r very nice.
beads

[Sannah]

ISFJ is a Myers-Briggs personality type of Introvert, Sensing, Feeling, Judging.