my son told me he was raped

It's a very long story but we have known for some time that something bad happened to our son in a sexual way. He has never spoken directly, only alluded to it. So, I get called at 1:30 am. from the State Police to go pick up my DUI son. I am told that he had a major panic attack when he was arrested and on the way home he told me that the panic attack was because he thought he was going to jail and he knew it would happen there. He told me who did it and sort of when. He was young. The thing is that this man is a pedophile we later learned but raping my son does not follow his M.O. as he liked baby girls and was repulsed by boys.

Anyway, I ended up in the E.R. for breathing at 3:30 a.m. and am now in bed. I need to rest and get ready to speak with him about how I am glad that he told me and yes he has made a lot of mistakes but he has also done great things and he is young and can pick up and move on. He has power and choices and now that he has spoken of this with me he can get some help to learn how to not let it affect his entire life.

I am ill, in shock, sorrow, angry with boith him and the perp, him for his screwed up activities and obviously why at the perp. I did call police who are supposed to call me today. Is it too late to prosecute? I am a pacifist struggling with feelings of wanting to hunt him down and torture his mind more then his body. That is a moral struggle for me.

((((((( HUGS ))))))) ~ ~ ~ ~ ((((((( HUGS ))))))))

Any parent understands that feeling you are having at wanting to hunt this person down and kill or torture him..... what parent wouldn't? - but please keep in mind that feelings are not bad with in them self, but that it is the action that follows them that create the badness - YOU are NORMAL.

Please rest and take care of your self for your son is going to need a strong shoulder to hang on (maybe cry on) when he is ready to finally talk about the H*LL that is living inside of him from this other persons evil doings.

Be there for him, but at his own pace and within his needs..... he may need to deal with these a little differently than a female would, but I am not for sure on that.... all I do know is that when I was abused I needed to know that someone believed me and that it was not my fault in any way or form.



LoVe,
Rhapsody -

How long ago did it happen? I doubt that it is too late to prosecute, as many children don't report sexual abuse until many years later, and it is still prosecuted at that time. Finding enough evidence might be a challenge.

It is good that he was finally able to tell you. Now he can start to heal. You must be in turmoil though. I know that you will do the right thing.

Take Care - both you and your family,
Rap

It's up to your son whether to prosecute (assuming he is over 18?), but because it's been so long it would be hard to prove it unless the pedophile admitted it, which is doubtful.

Other then that, I agree with everything Rhap said. Take care of yourself, support your son, but try not to push him too much with this issue. Maybe ask him if he's willing to talk to somebody but that you'd understand if he needs time and you aren't going to make him.

check with your local police department some states have different statutes but nationwide I know that adults have a deadline from the point of remembering the abuse that they repressed. at the very least he can make a police report that it happened so that it official record so if the guy does it again your son can testify that it happened to him which would add credibilty to the new person the guy got to. Who knows there just may already be another victim out there right now trying to prosecute that your son could help which would help your son process his ouw situation. Know though once na official report is made the abuser will be notified that that report is now a part of his offical police report. If the abuser is anything like mine were you could be in for a ride that you need to prepare yourself for before making the report. I got threats with arrest for libel and slander and threats of being committed to mental facilities, and so on. So let your son decide what he is ready to do about what happened to him. It happened to him so he is going to be the one that gets the majority of the fallout of telling about it. You and other family members will also need to prepare for possible fall out before the report is made especially if the abuser is in your local area. Check out the services of rape crisis centers in your area and the police services should there be fallout from the report being made. hang in there

Thanks everyone. I am going to be giving him a list of providers of M.H. services in the area so he can get some treatment which is desparately needed. I have been ill and tired so sorry for the delay. Life will be interesting from here on for a bit I suspect. When is it ever boring?

Im so sorry 2 hear about what ur son has gone through i cant imagen what ur all going through my heart goes out 2 u all xxxxxx

Oh life is interesting with this kid right now. If I went into details I would crumble. Spouse has told him out by Tues. Long story and sick me and busy me. I am very tired as well but have not been able to buy wellbutrin sr in over a week so I wonder ya know? Finances are a stressor and my desire to protect my son is another. Man I feel stuck. The reality is that he is an adult and need to know we care but to follow his own healing. I am just too out of it with day to day stuff to even be on this site. Be well everyone.

Take care of yourself! One day at a time.

I will keep you in my thoughts and heart!

TC, WW. If only you could see the strength in yourself that others see in you. But you don't have to be everything to everyone. Make sure to take time for yourself too.

With Love,
Rap

))))))) ))) ))wisewoman and son ((((((( (((

Thanks everyone, I check in here once a day quickly. So much going on but mainly this kid is out of control and I want him out of my home. He has untilo Tues. He assaulted my youngest the other night. Money is hard, more then ever. Negative balances everywhere. Joy is the child and the older girls and watching them sparkle. My lungs are a lot better. Interviewed for a job the other day that pays squat and I want. Daughter is finding her way after a year of abuse and hell.

I am beat but thanks all for staying with me though I can't really be here right now. Little one is precious. She wakes me early and has so much joy with her hurt and confusion. She is a darling.

He is so absolutely off the wall and nuts right now. Everyone is afraid of him. I want my son out of here right now. We have an escape plan if he comes home like that again. He needs to be gone by tues. Many of us have been hurt and hurt and we take responsibility for ourselves. He is an angry, possibly substance dependent victim. He is definately having probs with mood disorder. Escape plan, if he comes home like this again we are going to put kids, including young adults in car and have one adult stay here to call for help.

What is going on with him? He is so crazy..... So many long stories.

geez. this is sooo yuk.