I was forced to have sex when I was under ten twice by a older boy who was my neigbor. It was horrible and I hid for a long time afterwards. His crime went unpunished and I was very confused and hurt and scared and embarrased. I spoke little at school and had difficlties with talking and being social for a very long time. I stuttered. In my 11 years old another neighbor around 18 years old, abused me this way. Again I felt ashamed and my mom did not tell the police. I had difficukty performing for dates, even though I wanted to. I had great stress when it got "time". Still i feel shame about these events. Handling them and not being sick has been a challenge. I am getting to these issues with my T, but it is difficult. Sometimes I want to blame myslef, and I need help not to. Are these feelings okay or should I be doing more to cope with these painful memories. tx Brook.

[mazing]

First of all, you are not to blame for anything that happened. You were young and no-one deserves to be taken advantage of that way. The shame and blame is a normal feeling and can take a long time to work through but you should not need to feel ashamed. For what happened when you were 10 or when you were older and dating. You had a horrible experience of those kinds of relationships at a young age and it is understandable why later relationships were difficult. While hard on new relationships now that feeling and reaction is very normal.

Therapy is a great place to start. It can be hard at times but your therapist should be able to help you work through those feelings as part of your sessions. In the mean time, try to be gentle with yourself. Find things that can help you cope - distractions, positive memories, supports around you. Address the negative feelings that you have but also remember the truths. That you were not to blame and that while shame is normal it is still not your fault.

[Sannah]

Yes, your feelings are totally normal. I'm glad that you are working on this with a T.

[Big Mama]

Brook I understand what happened to you. It is not your fault. Your innocence was taken away against your will. I know T is hard. It is awkward to discuss this kind of stuff.
It is painful, embarrassing, causes feeling of guilt. But as you and I both know you have to deal in order the heal. Feel free to PM me or talk to me if I can be of any help. Hugs Brook.

[Harley47]

It's not your fault Brook...not in the slightest. You did absolutely nothing wrong. The only people who deserve any sort of blame here are the people who would subject you to something so callous. Not you. Not at all. You are a great, good person who just happened to suffer through one of the worst things a human being can do to another...and even then, you're doing what you can to try to get help in the matter. That speaks to incredible strength on your part. No...you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

Hugs,
Harley

[adam_k]

These were bad things that happened to you and it is not your fault in any way. I'm glad your in therapy and I hope you find peace with yourself.