[ThisWayOut]

My dad's sister played a huge part in my trauma/abuse (as did my dad, but I chose to have slight contact with him). Yet I can't seem to escape her. I have blocked all her phone numbers, I block every email address she ever writes me from, I shred her cards or letters without opening them (I know my dad gives her my address every time we move, because she manages to find the correct address every year. he doesn't care that she triggers me or that I have asked him a million times to not give that thing any information on me or my life). My brother, who does talk to her still, respects what I ask and refuses to talk about me to her (at least he says he does). My dad on the other hand, can't seem to say no to her. He will tell her details (she congratulated me on my wedding last October) and share my information with her. She manages to contact me even when I do my best to hide from her... I can't get away. And she triggers me SO badly. The first three emails that came through to my phone today were from her... that is not how I wanted to wake up on my birthday... now I'm dealing with a whole host of emotions, the least of which is wanting to take a hit out on that thing, but the consequences wouldn't be worth it. I know people say not to give others this power over me, but I don't know how not to be triggered by her. I don't know how not to want to scream and cry and break things every time she shows up... (especially now that I don't really have access to a trsted therapist or more services). I would get a restraining order, but on what grounds? It's been years since I've actually seen the b***h, and it's not all that often she contacts me... but when she does, it sends me for such a loop.
Does anyone have any effective ways to deal with this? How can I block her out completely? How can I keep her from ever cropping up in my life again?

[Sannah]

Geez, sorry that she won't leave you alone. When you get triggered you can tell yourself that this is the inner child in you reacting to her and that you also have the adult you here who can protect you. Tell yourself that you are safe and try to comfort that inner child who is very scared and upset.

Eventually being able to work on these past traumas in therapy to get those stored feelings out will be helpful too to stop the triggering.

This isn't easy to do, and it certainly isn't for everybody, but Pfrog legally changed her name and moved away leaving nary a trace.

The most important thing to remember ... If you choose to go this route, you can never, ever reveal personal information about yourself to anyone in the family who may betray you.

Even I made that mistake once along the way, and I was really, really disappointed in myself for letting my guard down like that. Now that I know I cannot trust any of them to respect my boundaries, I'll never make that mistake ever again.

Best of luck to you, it isn't easy trying to establish a safe and sane life when escaping abusers.

[unaluna]

Wow pfrog, I'm sorry you had to go that far. I am almost there. I know I am burning bridges with my extended family as well as my nuclear family of origin, but the good outweighs the bad. I just don't return calls anymore. Or emails. If they can't figure it out, it's not my problem!