[refika]

One of the most difficult things I've had to deal with since I was sexually abused is seeing men who resemble my abuser. Its like if they bear even the most remote resemblance to my abuser, I shut down and either dissociate or go into panic attacks. I know they're not really the guy who abused me, and that rationally the odds are slim to none, especially since I moved across the country from where I lived when the abuse happened. Still, my mind can't help thinking "it's a small world and it could be him", or "maybe he's stalking you".

It hasn't happened often and the last time it happened was about 12 years ago. However, it happened for the first time since 12 years ago friday, at my T's office of ALL PLACES!!! I was walking into the waiting room and the previous client was leaving. We passed each other through the door and he said a polite "hi" then walked past me. I didn't even get a good look at him so I don't even know HOW much he resembled my abuser. All I remember is that he was the same height, same build, and same skin tone.

I sat down in the waiting room and don't remember anything after that until I started my session. During that session, we talked about other issues because by that point, I totally forgot about the incident. Just this morning it came back to me....now I'm a complete mess.

Does anyone ever have times like that, where you see someone who reminds you or resembles your abuser? How do you deal with it?

Yes, I've experienced this ... First I honor and respect my feelings pertaining to the current situation. Then I start working on grounding myself.

It sounds to me as if you had a flashback and dissociated while waiting your turn with your therapist. I'm sorry you didn't bring it up in your session because she could have helped you process your experience.

I tend to avoid people and places and things that remind me of the abuse because it can easily trigger me, and I've not only experienced visual reminders of my abusers and the abuse, but auditory and olfactory ones as well.

Sometimes we can't avoid it altogether though, and this is where you and your therapist can come up with tools to help you get through those times.

I recently had an olfactory flashback (smelled the pipe smoke as if my abuser was sitting right there smoking their pipe except nobody was in the vehicle but me at the time). I found it interesting and started going over in my mind what might have brought it on.

Of course, I've had years of therapy and have come a long way in order to be able to do that and to not totally freak out over it, but it used to send me reeling as if the earth had completely fallen out from under my feet all over again.

[Sannah]

Hi refika, I do hope you bring this up in session.

[tellurian]

Oh, this happens to me too! I usually feel quite panicked when it does. I try to catch another glance to reassure myself, and if that doesn't work, then I simply leave the area. Both help a little bit, at least.

good i haven't gotten that far yet i ty to avoid eberyjnh everything it is bad for me

[GirlOfManyFaces]

That happens to me ALL the time. I see someone with the same eyes, smile, build, hair, ECT. Or if I hear someone with a similar voice. I go into lockdown and panic. I only live 30mins from where he lives, so it actually could be him.

I understand what you are feeling.

I cope by writing it down. It helps a little. But I am still traumatized from what he did.

Hugs and best wishes