[Stoda]

I waited my whole life to have sex with the man I end up marrying. Instead at age 32 I was raped, by a guy I dated 6mths. Needless to say the rape ended things. But I'm finally at the point of dating again and while I'm not planning to wait for marriage, I'm terrified of having sex.

When do you tell someone you've been raped? I know I don't 'have' to tell them, but I feel I should because of the obvious issues being raped will bring up.

Have you told someone and had them run away because of it?

What are your experiences?

Any help, advice, etc will be most apprecaited.

Stoda

[adam_k]

My wife told me a few months after we started dating. I think it depends on when you are comfortable enough to trust someone. If you have issues being touch or ptsd then maybe you tell them to take things slow. There was one time my wife had a flash back of it and she startes crying. I felt really bad, but I comforted her and she felt safe.

[Stoda]

Thanks Adam. It sounds like you're a great guy, I hope I can find someone who can understand and be comforting like you.

[astenon]

I've never been in this situation but I would want my gf to tell me as soon as she felt comfortable to share that with me. I would then ltake it slow and let her drive the physical relationship at a pace she was comfortable with. I will say this tho, when you do say something, if he reacts angrily, give him time. In that situation i'd be angry that you had to go thru that, not angry with you, but with the evil *stards that had done it. I may need some time to process it and calm down.

[Big Mama]

I agree w/ astenon. If your "friend" gets angry and leaves it is most likely anger at someone else not you, the someone who did this to you. I told my H I was sexually abused and the things that I do not do early on before there was a strong attachment. Maybe 4 dates into our relationship. I didn't want to tell him after we had a bond and lose that and be broken hearted. I told him just the most brief details. I didn't get upset. I told him in the dark while driving down the road. He couldn't see my nervousness. And because he had to pay attention to the road I felt safe enough to tell him. I didn't give the guys name until after we were married. I have yet to give my H if 18 years many details. I don't know that I can say the words. I don't know if I want him to know. But I did tell him what I don't do so that will never come up. My H didn't run, get angry, or freak out or anything. It was kinda like just having another conversation. I talked he listened, no questions asked. Good night and I'll see you next week and he did. Now we are married and have been for 18 years.