Survivors' checkin: how are you today?

Not good. Remembering things afraid I'll flashback when I lay down. Don't wanna close my eyes. I thought this was over. :'(

This is just to share how we are dealing with our situations, past or present, as survivors. Nothing to "offer" really. Except just a place to check in. (about survivor stuff)

Welcome.

Carol

Many of us have been told by our abusers and also by many others, that we are selfish. Mine did. All the time.

I had a heart to heart with Arvind. We did not talk about breaking up, but we talked about how the abuse was making us both feel. He told me that I was not making him sad, what happened to me was making him sad. This made me feel like it wasn't my fault he was upset. I was afraid we were going to break up earlier. I really freaked out. I think my tummy problems are triggered by my memories and by dealing with the stress of being in love again.

It's good to know that some of you on here are feeling better, too. These awful feelings are passing things. They are.

Carol

Not good. Was chastised by a secretary here at school in front of the kids. I'm just too frail and sensitive to deal with that calmly. Very upset. It's hard enough for me to teach let alone deal with that crap. Shaky and just want to leave.

Struggling today. Talked to my psychiatrist about trauma stuff and it made me feel sick to my stomach. I hate this.

At the moment it's ok.

Giving myself a thanks and a hug again. I needed it. ((((Carol))))

Feeling frustrated this evening ~ irritable. I feel like people are criticizing me, but don't know if I'm just being hypersensitive or something!

Feeling crappy still. talked to t yesterday. I'm trying to decide if I want an extra appt this week. She said she had an opening at 10 today, but don't know. Its in the middle of my work day and it'd take 30mins to get there and 30 mins to get back. Too early.

Not good. Waiting for this to go away. T called me and left a message. I've listened to it like 10 times already. Can't call her back

I know this feeling well. At t right now going to go over flashback. What fun.

I stood up to an authority figure who was being a bully today! I didn't overeact - I was polite and appropriate, but I made certain she got the message that her own behavior was unacceptable. People around me couldn't believe what I said!
Now I'm worried about repercussions tomorrow, but I keep replaying it in my head and I'm really sure I did nothing wrong. its not just me she uses caustic language towards everyone and she shouldn't do that.

...(right?)

Right Gr3tta!! Good job.

I sometimes amaze myself when standing up for others. I have no fear, I speak strongly (not shy & quiet, like usual) and say it like it is to save that person. I wish that I had that strength to stand up for myself ~ but hey, I'm partly there!

Well done standing up for yourself Gr3tta, it's not easy.

My T is on vacation this week

Had t yesterday. Am still not "recovered" from it. Felling so spacey and not grounded. Don't really want to do my homework. I'm scared of it. Have another t appt on Friday after work. Then am on vacation. I'm so ready for this to be done with.

I can relate to this so much. Glad i'm not the only one.

I'm doing better today. With my T matter partly resolved and lots of journaling..feeling like i can breeaaathe again....

Horrible.
That's all.

Doing okay. Vacation starts today so ready for rest and relaxation. Need it this week has been horrible. But its getting better gotta stay positive. New Med supportive people. More friends to lean on.people to reach out to when I need help. That's good right?

Today I feel lonely, hurt, disappointed and confused about everything, but life goes on, so will this bad mood .

just getting caught up here at PC.

good to hear you all.

I just did some very intense inner child work with Ani (coach). We (in our minds) went over to some place where we thought she (inner child) was being abused and gave her support.

I came out of that completely exhausted, but with a feeling of accomplishment.

Carol

Not good, not good, NOT GOOD! Bad weekend, bad day.....ugh!!! Self soothing sounds like the stupidest thing ever!

I am now having a hard time going out again since having this memory.

at times like these, it's hard to self-soothe. We just don't feel like it, do we?

Carol