[TheObsoleteOne]

I'm very nervous about doing this, becaus do think that actually saying this stuff will make it real. My older sister used to hurt me. And not just in the teasing "sibling" way, either. She'd lose her temper and hit me or punch me quite often and then would laugh at how funny I looked on the ground. One day she went further and started kicking me whilst I was on the ground, and continued until I coughed up blood then trashed my room and left. She also used to come up to me and hug me, wait until I hugged back, then pull a knife out of her pocket and hold it to my neck to "see what stuff I would be willing to do when I was scared". Once she tied me up to a pole outside in the middle of winter and poured ice water on me, then left me there for an hour.

The thing that makes me sick about all of this though, is that I feel like I'm making a big deal out of nothing. She never had to ask me not to tell anyone because I never even considered doing otherwise. It all seemed normal to me. I'd say the wrong opinion, if get punished. I thought every sibling did that. And nowadays I get nightmares constantly even though its been years. She seems to not remember, and I hate her so much now. But there is no real excuse for me to hate my sister is there? I am disgusted by how weak I was, and still am today. I've never told anyone and it is killing me.

I don't really know what else to say.

[tinyrabbit]

I'm sorry this happened to you. I think you have every right to feel whatever you feel toward her. Have you tried therapy at all?

[Sannah]

Your sister really abused you. You are not over reacting at all. Getting all of this outside of yourself would be really helpful.

[refika]

You are not making a big deal out of nothing. What your sister did to you IS a big deal.

I would definitely consider seeking help and support from therapy. Talking about it to a trained professional can be extremely helpful in getting you past this trauma.