Was it even abuse?

When I was little, maybe between the ages of 5-8, my brother, who is 4 years older (9-12), used to touch my "lady parts" and make me give him hand jobs. I didn't know it was wrong, I was practically a baby and had no real sense of sex or sexual, but the 12 year old knew perfectly well. When I got older I started refusing. Now I don't really feel comfortable with touch, when people touch me I scream.. Was it sexual abuse? Did it affect me negatively? Or was it just brother sister boy girl experimenting at a young age and it meant nothing?

I'm really sorry this happened. It was abuse.

Yes this was definitely abuse! And yes it can affect you negatively into adulthood.

I suggest you get into therapy with a therapist who deals with sexual abuse. You need to talk about what happened, and about the fact that touching you causes extreme distress.

You don't say how old you are now, but you can't go thru life living like this. Please get some therapy. I'm so sorry this happened to you. It should NOT have!! God bless you and please take care. And please get some therapy. Big hugs, Lee

Yes, that is abuse. Your brother certainly knew better ~ and memories like these often haunt the abused for many, many years after the abuse has ended.

The fact that you react dramatically now, when people touch you, is a good indication that you're feeling threatened and really need to talk with a professional that specializes in sexual abuse cases.

My mom used to tell me that my older brother and I were being purely natural, simply exploring our bodies with one another. But I always felt this very deep shame and self-disgust inside of myself. How many 5 year olds give their 8 year old brothers bj's simply out of "exploration"??? How would I know how to do this? It's a very disturbing thought to me. I don't think that my mom's right on this topic, which really hurts me.

I had almost the same situation with a male cousin. It was abuse. A counselor told me it wasn't actually abuse because the age difference didn't meet the definition of 'sexual abuse'. She was wrong! What you wrote sounds so much like me and my experiences in life. I also have difficulty with physical touch. Never doubt your feelings and the hurt caused by your childhood trauma. I would enjoy continuing conversation with you because I have felt so alone in this for so long. Do remember this...it is not your fault!!

I am sorry you were invalidated like this - the age difference is irrelevant, what matters is the effect. If you feel shamed and abused it was abuse, end of.

I know some people use an age difference as a definition but even that has qualifiers..

for instance a 4 year age difference is very different for a 4 year old and an 8 year old... so what once could have started as sexual experimentation... does not stay that once the older person knows what's going on...has sexual understanding...

I guess what I am saying is what happens between a 4 year old and an 8 year old is very different than what happens between and 8 or 9 year old and a 12 or 13 year old... one might be sexual expermination but it turned into abuse.