[scarybrat22]

I am new here, this is my story. I apologize as it will likely trigger.

The last two weeks have been really hard for me. Two weeks ago tomorrow morning a man in a ski mask broke into my house and went after my roommate with all intentions to rape her and lords knows what all else. I woke up at 2:30 am to the sound of my roommate screaming her head off. It was the worst scream I ever heard in my life. I woke up to see a man in a ski mask standing in the middle of my living room. I couldn't hear my roommate after that so I assumed the worst. Luckily she is okay, but if I hadn’t woken up… The worst of it is the PD thinks it is possibly a neighbor. So basically someone that lives around us has been watching me and my roommate’s every move. The first couple days were the hardest, nights even harder so. Every noise now gets me to me. Her even more so, she sleeps with a knife under her pillow. The way I can best describe is it your worst horror movie come to life, flashes of Jack Nicholson in The Shining come to mind.. Sometimes late at night, when it is quietest I worry that I will turn around and he will be there. This has brought back a lot of painful memories for me because of my own sexual assault by a neighbor when I was ten years old.

Please forgive me for the next paragraphs could be/are triggering…

I was raped by my then friend's fifteen year old brother. I had just come home after school, and per usual I went on the hunt for my friend, only when I got to her house, her brother answered the door and said she wasn't home. My response was I will just go home and come back later, but he invited me in. I remember being kind of hesitant to go in, but he was insistent. Being that I had been around him 10,000 and 1 times, I finally said okay.

At this point, we were sitting in the living room.. The tv was on, cartoons were playing I think. I remember looking at the clock on the wall and thinking, it is getting late. We're sitting making small talk. I remember thinking, she still isn't here yet. I make a motion that I should really go home. He then out of nowhere says, have you ever been "****ed." In my youthful naiveté, in my never hearing that word before in my entire life, I say no, is it something good? He said yes.

He took me into the bathroom. It didn't occur to me until he locked the door behind him. I begged him to let me go. He called me a stupid ***** and told me to remove my jeans. I screamed no, but he ripped them off of me and forced me on to the bathroom floor.

I remember him saying something like, this is how it feels. Telling me over and over how stupid I was. Over and over how stupid I was. What I remember most, please forgive me, is how red it was. And he was right; it was the worst feeling in my life I have never been in such pain. I didn’t know what he was doing to me, other than I wanted him to stop. I kept crying and begging him to please stop. When it was over, I begged him to please not tell anybody. I begged him over and over to please not tell anybody. Then, his sister was home. He left me there in the bathroom. When no one was looking, I snuck out and ran home.

I remember sitting in the bathroom at home, bleeding profusely. My mother came in and asked what was wrong. I don’t remember what I said. She thought I had just gotten my period.

Afterward he broke his promise, he told everyone in the neighborhood what “we “had done. I was the neighborhood slut. Not one neighbor, not one adult stood up for me. Then the harassing telephone calls began. I will never forget the sound of his voice, and that question, “do you wanna be ***** again?” The culminating call was on Thanksgiving Day. I think it was like a year or so later. In that year, had been a lot of secret crying. Crying myself to sleep, listening to the radio in my room by myself all night long. Looking back, it was probably to soothe me into sleep.

Thanksgiving Day was the straw that broke me. He had just called, and I remember sitting at the table staring at my sweet potatoes trying to will myself into eating them. It was then that I started crying and told my mom that he had ****ed me. She then went and told my dad. I remember standing just outside the hallway, and my parents were talking. My mom was visibly upset. My dad, he said, what do you want me to do about it, she let it happen!

So nothing happened. I think I may have gotten taken to a doctor at one point, but by that time there was no evidence. Years later in talking to my mom, she thought he had just touched me. I told her, no, I told you what he did. She said, if she had really understood she would have done something. I don’t blame her. My family was, and is a mess. I guess the worst part for me is his never getting his just deserts. You know? Until two weeks ago, I had been fine for so many years. Now when I think about it I want to know, I need to know, if he is sorry? Has he changed?

I say this after reading an article at CNN.com about juvenile sex offenders living their lives on the sex offender registry: Report: Registry does more harm than good for teen sex offenders . Supposedly new research has shown that juvenile offenders don’t have the same capacity as adults, they don’t fully develop a sense of right and wrong until they are in their late 20s. Because of that and their supposed growing out of these offenses as they age youth sex offenders have a much lower recidivism rate than adults.

The article makes a special point of how it isn’t necessarily fair for juvenile offenders to pay for something that happened at age 11, 12, 13 have you well into adulthood. They have already paid their debt to society, but society won’t let them move on. As sex offenders they have restrictions on where they can live, where they can work etc. A good deal of them have been kicked out of school, lost good paying jobs, and have been evicted from their homes which adversely unfairly affects their children. They and their children are also in danger from vigilantes. Basically why have them keeping paying when they have stopped offending? Supposedly the list doesn’t protect as it only lists the people least likely to reoffend. Supposedly even the ones who never get treatment grow out of it and stop offending.

Which leads me to the criminal history of my rapist, other than two juvenile offenses for trespassing and shoplifting he doesn’t have anything on him. He of course raped me, but was never charged. About once a year I do internet searches on him, and over 30 years, NOTHING. Not a peep from him. I know this will sound horrible, but him having no official history of violence irks me. I want to be right. I want him to still be that disgusting horrible person I always knew him to be. I don't want the supposed experts to be right. He has no digital history. He is not on FACEBOOK, etc. I have always said if I hear even a whisper of him touching another kid I will go to the police with my story. I doubt they will take it, but at least they will know he has a history.

So the question remains, do these juvenile sex offenders actually change? By the standards of this article, it would seem in his and my case to be so….Granted he could have done it to others and they were just never reported. Is it possible for one so violent to change like the article says?

I am curious if anyone else here has had a similar experience with a similar aged offender, and either met or talked to them years later or know through acquaintances what their conduct has been since. You see for 4 days I have been arguing with various people at the CNN article, trying to explain how what they did is a a crime, that they are old enough to know right from wrong. From my perspective, by the time you are 12, if you are forcing your physical being on someone, threatening and otherwise covering up, you have the capability to know right from wrong and should stand up as an adult. Then again, I get confused and think, doesn’t everyone deserve a second chance? How can I as a Christian say any sin can be forgiven but not forgive myself?

Do I want to live in a police state where everyone is tracked? That is where I think we are going. So if I want sex offenders tracked, who is to say they won’t eventually track you or me?

I live five hours away from him now. I want to write him a letter, a real letter with my name and address hoping he will answer me. Is it okay for me to do it? Safe for me to do it? What if he answers? What if he doesn’t? Have anyone here done it? I would like nothing more than to confront him/talk to him face to face, but I don’t know if that is a smart idea?

Any thoughts? Am I crazy? You know I hear noises and I can’t be sure what or who will I see, the guy in the ski mask or him.

[Travelinglady]

I suggest you tell the police about the guy in the ski mask. Maybe at least they can be vigilant.

It is important to always tell on people, especially when the evidence is still there.

I don't know the research on juvenile offenders, but I do know that if they are doing these acts as adults then they can't be reformed.

I think this boy is more than just a rapist. He should have been reported for harrassment, too.

Let's hope that he has changed. But I wonder about how he treats women overall.

I understand that it would be hard to forgive him. But I suspect he will get some sort of punishment at some point if that's any consolation......

[scarybrat22]

TRIGGER, TRIGGER....

The police came out. They said based on the fact that there have been no meN IN my house. My roommate just moved in this past August. She has dated guys, but none of them know where she lives, have never been here. This person broke in less 30 minute after I fell asleep. He broke in the patio door. I had left the safety lock off. He walked past my bedroom though my door was wide open, my bedroom windows look out onto the patio. The police said this guy obviously knew the layout of our house. He bypassed my room, and went straight for my roommate room at front of the house....

Trrigger, Trigger.

He had his pants down before he even made it into her room. If it hadn't been for her screaming, I would have never known... I didn't hear him come in. Her screams woke me, and I saw him running past me. I couldn't believe it... A man in a ski mask in my house.

Between his specifically targeting my roommate and the scent trail stopping dead 200 feet from my house, they feel it was a neighbor. They got some finger prints, and a description of what he was wearing... They are supposedly investigating a few people. My fear is that we will probably never know. He was so close to me, I could have pulled off his mask. Sometimes, I wish I had...

Yeah, he was much more than that. All rape is violent, don't get me wrong, but this guy was on a whole other level. I wish my parents had done something. I wish I had said something.

I know I should get over it, but there is something about justice denied.... I know he will get his if he hasn't asked for forgiveness. My gut is he hasn't. I could be wrong.

I don't even know if I would recognize him anymore. Though tHE VOICE I would.

As much as I love my cats, sometimes.. All their noise at night makes me nervous. Their running and around and getting into things sounds like someone breaking in. That, and I keep expecting to hear that awful piercing scream again any second.

Originally Posted by PAYNE1

I suggest you tell the police about the guy in the ski mask. Maybe at least they can be vigilant.

It is important to always tell on people, especially when the evidence is still there.

I don't know the research on juvenile offenders, but I do know that if they are doing these acts as adults then they can't be reformed.

I think this boy is more than just a rapist. He should have been reported for harrassment, too.

Let's hope that he has changed. But I wonder about how he treats women overall.

I understand that it would be hard to forgive him. But I suspect he will get some sort of punishment at some point if that's any consolation......

[adam_k]

I'm sorry for what you went through. I know it must be difficult to live with that kind of trauma and then to have your abuser not have any justice. Maybe he never did anything like that again, but it doesn't excuse him from getting a free pass to do something so violent and hateful towards you. I hope you have dealt with your trauma. I wish you the best.

[Lauru]

I think a juvenile rapist is still a rapist, just as bad as an adult. And I don;t think they ever change. I think he has just never gotten caught., Maybe he just got really good at intimidating women so they don't tell anyone. Maybe there is no dna proof.Both of which are quite common. He was a rapist. What he did to you was RAPE. I don't care how old he was or if he has no record, he is GUILTY and should be punished for it, if not in this lifetime then in the next. I am so sorry this happened to you.

[scarybrat22]

Well, that's what I have always thought. Not calling rape for what it is, just because they are young. That is crap. Sorry.....

The kid, now young man in the CNN article, if you notice he doesn't actually call what he did sexual assault. He says it was a youthful mistake. He actually has a website, and I posted there about my own rape, and this is what he said.....

"Children make dumb choices from time to time. Some times those choices drastically effect others. Would you say the choices you make now versus the choices you made at the age of 12 or 15 are different based on your maturity? The answer should certainly be yes."

My response...

I don't consider the invasion and imprisonment of someone's body either against their will either by force or coercion, especially when the victim is a much younger child, as a dumb/immature choice. I consider it to be a at best a harmful act and worst a a violent act, sexual assault, and the law recognizes that. To state it as anything else is a slap in the face to victims everywhere.

Note: He never responds after that. Both those pieces are excerpts of longer posts to be fair, but to call sexual assault a "dumb choice," tells me he doesn't take responsibility and that the attitudes don't change.

Whether he has stopped his bad behavior is another question altogether. I hope so.

Originally Posted by Lauru

I think a juvenile rapist is still a rapist, just as bad as an adult. And I don;t think they ever change. I think he has just never gotten caught., Maybe he just got really good at intimidating women so they don't tell anyone. Maybe there is no dna proof.Both of which are quite common. He was a rapist. What he did to you was RAPE. I don't care how old he was or if he has no record, he is GUILTY and should be punished for it, if not in this lifetime then in the next. I am so sorry this happened to you.