[darthterrapin]

I've been through a lot in life. I’m here to explain exactly what I mean. Well, an abbreviated version. I was 4 years old when I was put into foster care. My birth parents left myself and my year old, and two year old sisters home alone. My father had a history of beating me and at one point landed me in the hospital. For whatever reason he never hurt my sisters, that’s a good thing. My sisters and I were separated when we were put into foster care. I ended up going into a few homes over a period of 4 years. The first was to a single mother, and in her home I never felt welcome. The second home I was placed in was a place I loved to be. I felt welcome, they spoiled me and I felt wanted for the first time in my life. I wasn’t the best child in the world but I felt happy. I can’t remember how many times I asked for them to adopt me, they were both older and always told me they couldn’t. I ended up living there for 2 years. My stay there ended abruptly. My foster brother, who was their biological son. Molested and hurt me in ways I don’t care to describe. I was 6 at the time but I remember almost everything that happened that day like it was yesterday. I freaked out and told my foster parents who reported it and all I know is I was taken away again. I was placed into my final foster home, a home in which would become my place of residence until I turned 18. My sisters and I were re-united at this point, and after 2 years this family decided they wanted to adopt myself and my sisters. With the 3 of us, our new family was pretty big. They already had 3 children of their own. Things were perfect. Everything seemed nice again. I felt happy to finally be a part of a family again and they seemed really nice. Things began to go downhill when I turned 14. My mother had gotten really sick and the medicine she was taking to get better took a toll on her physically. Eventually she began to self medicate with alcohol, she said it made her feel better. My father followed suit and it was very common they'd both come home wasted. At first things weren't bad, they'd yell at us a lot for petty things but it wasn't bad at all. Then things progressively got worse. My mother began hitting me, pulling my hair, shoving my face in a toilet, and calling me names and insults. She'd call me worthless, ugly, a piece of (alternative word for crap), a (derogatory term for a black person), stupid, a moron, good for nothing. Told me I'd never amount to anything, that no girl in her right might could ever find me attractive, told me I'd spend my life alone, that I was a freak, and that she couldn't wait until I turned 18 so she could ‘get rid of me’, she wishes she never adopted me. My father was more physical, he'd punch me, throw me around and tell me how weak and stupid I was. I would be locked in my room and wasn't even allowed to use the bathroom. I would go to school with these marks sometimes and I’d lie when a few people would ask. I fell down the steps a lot and I had a really mean cat. The part that hurt the worst is that my sisters received the physical and verbal lashings as well. This all continued until I turned 18. I ran away 3 different times and at one point took a Greyhound bus to Colorado from my home in Maryland so I could get away. There were plenty of times I wanted to end my life because I never thought this was ever going to end. I never felt so worthless, pathetic, ugly and weak in my life. December came and went, I turned 18. By March of the following year, I was kicked out with nothing to my name, two suitcases full of my personal belongings. A lot has happened in my adult life as well but here is the story on how I survived abuse during my childhood. I could go on and on about the year after that or explain how I ended up in college and with a roof over my head in the years following that but I’ll leave it at this. That’s my story. It’s something I’m not proud to tell, in fact it’s embarrassing because I still feel I could’ve done something, especially to protect my sisters. Hopefully someone will read this and see I do understand what it’s like to face adversity, to not feel wanted, loved, to be told you will never be good enough, to want to end everything, I get it. If you ever need to talk, I’m always here. Please never ever give up.

[Gr3tta]

I'm not in a good enough place to read all of this right now, but I got some of it. I just wanted to say thank you for sharing and being very brave. I appreciate your effort to reach out. Thank you, and I hope you are well. :-)

[tinyrabbit]

I'm so sorry you were hurt like this. You say you have nothing to be proud of, but I disagree. You come across as a loving, caring person - you are so much better than the people who hurt you, even if you don't feel it.