[winkynjr]

it is bed time and I need to try and get some sleep but yet after last night I am so afraid to go to bed. I had nightmares of the dam abuse last night as if it was happening all over again.......I hate this crap!!!!!

[winkynjr]

I would rather die than deal with this abuse !!!!

[Lauru]

I just wanted to say I feel the same way often. My pdoc has given me benadryl to help me sleep andit has helped. I am still afraid to sleep though. Too vulnerable. Worried "he" may get me. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone. Safe hugs

[darthterrapin]

I agree a sleep aid of some kind will help you sleep and calm you down as well.

[Gr3tta]

I hope you have gotten some truly restful rest now. There are sleep aids that are specific for helping you have dreamless (or unremembered) dreams if you are willing to talk about this with your doc or t.
I hope things are getting better.

[eskielover]

After I went through a horrible trauma, my pdoc gave me a high dose of seroquel to knock me out so I could sleep. It knocked me out alright & left me hung over all the next days.....but it was ok because I wasn't functional anyway & was struggling with the anorexia from the stress of the trauma also.....I was a complete non-functional mess at that point in my life & for almost 1 1/2 years after......

But it started to fade & get better & more functional.

Going through the same thing. Hugs

[tinyrabbit]

Read a book that triggered me, was crying all night, having extra T session tomorrow. Doing okay, tired though. Could use some hugs.

[eskielover]

You need to find some books that don't have triggers in them.....I know that's easier said than done......

I would always pop a DVD into my computer to watch a movie....I had no idea that the movie I bought had a horrible trigger for me of a car blowing up.....which was exactly what I was sure the home care person had done to my mother's car that night after I filed a report against her with the APS.....her husband was a mechanic & I was sure that something had been tampered with my mother's car I was driving to the hospital to visit her after this horrible person had OD'ed her on her morphine.

Who would have thought what a horrible trigger that movie contained at the time I paid $5 at Walmart for it & it had my favorite actress in it also.......grrrrr......I felt the effects of that trigger for weeks.

I'm sorry that reading the book...the one thing I learned to do in my DBT skills (just like watching my movie) for distraction......ended up being so triggering.

Hopefully your T will be able to help you work through this

[winkynjr]

Originally Posted by eskielover

You need to find some books that don't have triggers in them.....I know that's easier said than done......

I would always pop a DVD into my computer to watch a movie....I had no idea that the movie I bought had a horrible trigger for me of a car blowing up.....which was exactly what I was sure the home care person had done to my mother's car that night after I filed a report against her with the APS.....her husband was a mechanic & I was sure that something had been tampered with my mother's car I was driving to the hospital to visit her after this horrible person had OD'ed her on her morphine.

Who would have thought what a horrible trigger that movie contained at the time I paid $5 at Walmart for it & it had my favorite actress in it also.......grrrrr......I felt the effects of that trigger for weeks.

I'm sorry that reading the book...the one thing I learned to do in my DBT skills (just like watching my movie) for distraction......ended up being so triggering.

Hopefully your T will be able to help you work through this

Wow I am so sorry that you went through that!! (((((Hugs))))))

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I don't like to sleep either.

[mandazzle]

I can relate. I have barely been sleeping at all lately because I'm scared.

[cricket67]

Originally Posted by winkynjr

it is bed time and I need to try and get some sleep but yet after last night I am so afraid to go to bed. I had nightmares of the dam abuse last night as if it was happening all over again.......I hate this crap!!!!!

I'm right there with you, I was prescribed so many different sleep aids and they only made it worse, it would literally take a coma to make me sleep, so I would end up doubling my doses and it made it worse, so I had to just stop all of it and finally I just started to by Benedryl and I found repeating a poem or saying or phrase, I used the Lord is my shepherd, and I would keep repeating it until the Benedryl kicked in and fall asleep, I also found that the Benedryl for some reason didn't allow me to dream. I would have horrible nightmares too, so now when or if I take a nap during the day without them, I dream, and I wake up in a sweat, but not with the Benedryl. Maybe it's some component in them that blocks that portion of your brain.
I understand completely what your going through, PTSD is hard, I hope you find something that works, and you can always write me if you feel like it. God bless you and stay strong. Christy

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((winkynjr))))

Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. Each night I find myself feeling scared when it is time to go to bed and I am afraid to close my eyes for what is waiting there. I fight it until I just cannot fight it any longer. I know for me I always feel as though I am being pulled, deeper and deeper, as if going in and out, and the deeper I am pulled the hard it is to breath (or maybe I do not want to breathe). It feels like shadows are all around me and like there is no escape. Sometimes it feels like I am so small and everything is huge to where it is suffocating me. I always feel I am running but I cannot get away.

The only way I can explain it is like when you are in a boat or on a floating mat in the water and when you are back on dry land that feeling like you are still floating hangs on. Or when I have gone to the ocean and rode the waves, being pushed in and out as the waves come and go, and when I am no longer in the water, I still feel like I am in those waves. This is the feeling I have when I feel myself drifting off to sleep, as though I am floating to another place and time I do not want to be.

I am sorry you are going through this and I just wanted to let you know that you are being heard and not alone. I don't know if this makes sense as I am struggling with words right now but wanted you to know I understand at least how it is for us.

Sending you gentle hugs and loving thoughts.

dps