[pinkfuzzyblanket]

I am to be married in less than one week in a courthouse style ceremony, and then again (sort of) in an Indian style ceremony to appease my fiance's parents. Tonight I was complaining about how they were treating us and balking on how they were spending money ($500 for a limo, which wouldn't be much, but considering we don't want or desire a limo ride, only 5 of us will be riding in it, no one will see us get in or get out of it, we (the bride and groom) are too young to enjoy the spoils of a limo, and it is only for a short ride to the temple and back to their house, and $500 could replace our broken backdoor the thought of having to forgo such unnecessary luxury makes me actually cry). This brought on a cascade of "I told you so's" from my fiance that were actually hurtful and laiden with this horrible anger.

Later in the night, when he was trying to come by me even though I told him to go away, he'd hurt my feelings, the truth came out that this brought on overwhelming memories about the horrible things they did to him as a child. There was physical, emotional, and sexual abuse, as well as medical and general neglect. When I met him at age 16 his shoes were packed into a size 9 when he actually wears an 11.5, and his toes were growing backwards on top of his foot bones.

Originally I wanted to cut off all contact with them. We are reasonably self sufficient, with my dad supplying the manual labor to fix up the house in the areas where we are unskilled. We don't need to talk to his parents at all if we don't desire. However he didn't want to cut off all contact with them for reasons I have difficulty understanding.

Lulled into a false sense of security I just went along with stuff but now it is getting out of hand. They want my family and our friends to participate in their shenanigans, which are getting farther and farther from anything I want to involve myself in, let alone others. And I have no idea how to rebalance this disaster with my soon to be husband. I sang him to sleep tonight after he had a brief crying spell and am grateful to have been able to do that.

However, I am still up at 5:49 a.m. I hate not having a full grasp of everything that's going on. It's hard to know his feelings when they are so mixed, and it's hard to see my sweet, adoring guy be taken over by the dark secrets of his past. Any other time when something upsets me he rolls his eyes that the things that are ridiculous, pats my hair down while I mope, and then when I'm ready tries to come up with creative solutions to the problem. This topic got him all argumentative and now his feelings are all messed up and I still can't figure out where my feelings on this should be at.

[gayleggg]

Sounds like your fiance could benefit from counseling. He has a lot of issues to sort out including setting boundaries with his parents. Couples counseling could also be a good start because it sounds like he isn't there for you emotionally when you need him. Best wishes on your marriage.
Gayle