[Detia]

So I was wondering if anyone had resources or links about specific kinds of abuse.

I'm trying to learn more about the long-term impacts on children witness to domestic abuse between parents or other close adult relatives. As well as how would someone know if they were abused, or how to overcome the abuse? Are there different methods depending on the type of abuse?

I come from a family where my maternal grandfather was a foster child and became an alcoholic. My maternal grandmother was raised by a single father and had an abusive alcoholic mother, she became emotionally and mentally abusive and manipulative and doesn't seem to realize how own actions.

Their daughter, my Mom was severely neglected and has been realizing how much abuse and neglect she experienced from her parents. She has taken classes and done research to make sure not to continue the cycle abuse on me and my 9yrs younger sister... but my Mom and Dad (who was then an alcoholic, drug-addict, and physically and emotionally abusive) divorced when I was 3 yrs old because of the domestic abuse. I grew up with a heightened sensitivity to tones of voice, loud noises, anger, and conflict.

I experienced a lot of emotional abuse any time I was around my Dad's second wife and I'm still coming to awareness and terms with that.

I just really want to know more, because I don't feel that I constitute as a 'Survivor of Abuse' because it just didn't seem severe enough to me. I have been struggling with gender-identity, self-harm, depression, and internal conflict in MOST social situations as far back as I can remember. Sometimes abuse becomes a recurrent subject in my life, suggested by other people.

Whatever books titles you have read, or helpful websites that are related to this would be helpful. I don't think I've experienced sexual abuse, if I did I have no memory and would have no memory (I realized when I was 12 that I blocked out certain memories, I've since given up trying to recall them), so those are not really in my area of interest even though I know how exceedingly common it is. I know TOO many people who have been and have a heightened sensitivity to that as well.

Thank you for your help and consideration.

[nicoleflynn]

The book that saved my life after 30 years of verbal and physical abuse: THe Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans....Have you considered therapy? Hugs, Nicole

[Momly]

I'm learning that emotional abuse is still abuse. There are no bruises that show but they are there, hiding on the inside where no one can see.
Sometimes I think the hidden bruises are more painful than the physical ones. The physical bruises heal. My emotional bruises are still with me and it's been years and years. I keep thinking I should be over it by now but it still comes back to grab me when I least expect it. I'm no doctor or professional but I believe if you are hurting inside like youre expressing you have been abused. Sometimes I wish I could have had bruises to prove, if just to myself, that I had actually been abused; that it was real.

[Detia]

Thank you nicoleflynn and momly for being supportive!

@ nicoleflynn: I am in therapy right now. It's a bit complicated because I'm moving out of state the 1st of July so I'll have to figure out a long-distance way to have sessions or transfer to another therapist to work with. It seems that therapy will take a long time. Thank you for the book suggestion, I've put it on my list-of-books to get.

@ Momly: I know the feeling, wanting to have some kind of 'proof' that there actually was abuse and I'm not just being overly sensitive or bringing things out of proportion. It's hard to even acknowledge or find out if certain memories carry the bruises of emotional or mental abuse. It is so frustrating to realize how much people are abusive without intending to be or without being aware.. I've realized that a lot of my interactions with elders were very invalidating towards my experiences or feelings which was a little tough, but there are still missing pieces to the puzzle that I'm trying to sort out. Thank you.

[nicoleflynn]

Hi, Detia: As moderator of an abused survivors' group....all of the women who have been physically and verbally abused say that the verbal abuse is the worst. If you google verbal/emotional abuse or patricia evans, you will find "tons" of information. it is rampant in the world. I hope you get the book soon and tell me what you think. In my opinion there is NO such thing as being overly sensitive. Our feelings are facts.....not right or wrong, they simply are and should be paid attention to. xoxo, Nicole