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#1
Jun 16, 2013, 12:49 AM
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Just a few hours ago my fiancee and i lay down for massage.our roommate was performing them. It got weird after i put apillow on my head top block out light to help me relax then i felt some one start fingering me. My fiancee said it was him when i could tell it wasn't he just said shhh and i knew he expected it of me. Pretty soon he was ****in me and our roommate was fingering me along side him. When he finished our roommate kept up until i couldn't take any more and ruled over and wept. Or friend is over talking to us.he says my guy thought i wanted it and hated doing it and that we should work it out. I again feel life i have no one to trust. This marks the forth incident of my life of unwanted sexual interaction. What do i do?
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Some days I feel like a childs puzzle peice, far from where i belong, torn, painted, stained and abandoned never to fit in again. Maybe there is a specific amount of hurt in the world and the ones who have it the worst are really the strongest we have in this world. It gives me hope. |
 jadedbutterfly, mandazzle, suzzie, ThisWayOut
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#2
Jun 16, 2013, 09:06 AM
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Quote:
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#3
Jun 16, 2013, 09:38 AM
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i broke down after this. I cut for the first time in a very long time. I couldn't feel anything when I was done crying and I had to be able to feel so I knew if something was wrong and to be able to be in control. I was on thin ice. I don't understand anything anymoe. maybe my purpouse in life to take the pain that others can't.
__________________
Some days I feel like a childs puzzle peice, far from where i belong, torn, painted, stained and abandoned never to fit in again. Maybe there is a specific amount of hurt in the world and the ones who have it the worst are really the strongest we have in this world. It gives me hope. |
| jadedbutterfly
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#4
Jun 16, 2013, 03:08 PM
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NO, it is definitely not your purpose to take the pain that others can't.
What you experienced was sexual abuse, plain and simple. And that your financee was in the room just boggles my mind. I hope you are thinking not just twice but a dozen times about marrying someone who will disregard your safety and well being just because he wanted to "have some fun". Since you say you have had previous incidents of SA, I encourage you to get some therapy if you aren't already. NOT because it was your fault. NO, I don't mean that. But there is a reason that you didn't yell out, roll over, get dressed and storm out of the room, and therapy might help you uncover deep-seeded reasons. Reasons why you don't think you are worth valuing. Why you think you have to put up with something that disgusts and upsets you because it might make your fiancee happy. I am not judging you in any way. I am speaking from experience. I'm in my mid-40s now and have had dozens of sexually abusive incidents b/c I felt so worthless. I did nothing to protect myself from unwanted events and so they just kept happening. My heart really goes out to you and I wish you peace on your journey (without bf!) Bub |
| Socialogical_Mishap
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 Radojica, Socialogical_Mishap
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#5
Jun 23, 2013, 09:41 AM
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thank you. we are splitting up. I moved in to the guest room and im figuring out what to do. ive been seeing a lot of certain trusted friends and it has really helped. only a week later and I feel like im going to be ok.
__________________
Some days I feel like a childs puzzle peice, far from where i belong, torn, painted, stained and abandoned never to fit in again. Maybe there is a specific amount of hurt in the world and the ones who have it the worst are really the strongest we have in this world. It gives me hope. |
| ShaggyChic_1201
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#6
Jun 23, 2013, 11:02 PM
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Good for you!! I'm super proud of you
 Setting the boundary is very hard. I'm finding it also hard to keep the boundary when someone I once trusted pushes against it. I made my abuser move out but then let him move back in (separate room) but finally told him he has to move out again by Fri. I sincerely hope you have a straighter path!! |
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#7
Jun 25, 2013, 09:55 AM
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it's been rough but ive been making a lot of progress. His friends are still harassing me but aside from that and him being drunk all the time now things are going well. I even may have found an apartment.
__________________
Some days I feel like a childs puzzle peice, far from where i belong, torn, painted, stained and abandoned never to fit in again. Maybe there is a specific amount of hurt in the world and the ones who have it the worst are really the strongest we have in this world. It gives me hope. |
| unaluna
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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