[ThisWayOut]

Does anyone else have that one person they just can't escape, despite best-laid plans? My dad's sister (one of my abusers) keeps finding me. I can't get away from that *****! and she triggers me so badly, even from over 1700 miles away and in another country. She always finds my information and contacts me. And I don;t know how to get over the rage she brings up. I HATE HER!!!!! I don't say that lightly. I think she is evil and horrible and should die a horrible death, but get on with it already.
I am about to block the rest of my extended family on fb because she gets my info from them, or my dad... I already don't talk to my dad... How do I get away from this person. I wish I knew how to keep from being so enraged by the mere mention of her... I wish I knew how to stop letting her win by messing me up so much... but she is the one person I cannot forgive and cannot forget. I have tried to forgive, but the anger and rage and hatred is just SO huge towards her... I know I'm letting her take valuable space in my head, but I don't know how to let it go. I'm ok until she pops up in my mail or email or fb or phone... Then I want to cry and scream and hide and change everything about myself so she can't find me... If given the chance, I wouldn't think twice about pushing her off a cliff, or into oncoming traffic... and I would not feel bad about it... She's the only living thing I would ever dream of intentionally killing... I don't hurt others. I go out of my way to make everyone happy. I agonize over being rude to people, even if I do it accidentally. I save bugs from drowning in the pool. I argue against the death penalty because I believe every life is sacred... every one but hers... and that scares me. It SO goes against every fiber of my being to feel this much hate for someone, but I do. Hell, I apologize to the frozen feeders I give my snakes... but this ***** deserves to die... and I really wish she would... she has caused so much suffering and hurt. She has never once done anything nice for anyone, and goes out of her way to terrorize people. She enjoys watching others suffer, and will do anything to cause it.
I have asked my family that still talks to her (all 2 of them) to not mention anything about me and never give out my info to this thing, but she always manages to manipulate someone into giving it to her.
I just want to get away from her... I just want to be free of her and the memories she left me with... and I can't. and it sucks SO badly...

[Monica Bing]

For now, change your contact information or block her from calling or mailing you. You could talk to a therapist abt the hate you feel towards her for abusing you. I suppose it is natural to feel that way.

I still feel scared of my abuser and sometimes think I still love him, or that I'll never love somebody quite as deeply as I did him. I'd give anything to resent him at least now, for how he broke me and tore me apart. I'd give anything to feel one bit of anger and hate towards him. So I think you're farther along in the recovering process because you feel that righteous anger.

You are not a bad person and you know yo'd never hurt anybody. Embrace your feelings and don't be scared or ashamed. Talk to a therapist abt your anger and discuss a good way to let it out.