[me665]

First off I feel do feel bad even asking because I've never been physically or sexually abused so I think what ever I went through can't compare to that of course, but I am confused about what to think of my upringing and relationship history.
I always felt very close to my dad and we did a lot of things together. I have many fond memories of him. I always knew he was proud of me and that he loved me.
My mother almost always seemed angry or extremely annoyed with me and my dad. My two older brothers both left home as early as they could, which left me home alone with my parents. Me and my dad were the targets of mom's unhappiness-getting snapped at constantly. If I did do something wrong I was berated verbally by her. I'd end up feeling shame alot. I remember hiding in the bathroom crying a lot (because you don't show emotion in our house). Affection wasn't something I remember from her. The one time I tried to put my arm over her while camping she snapped at me and said it was too hot. If I was trying to tell her something she would usually keep reading her magazine and basically ignore me. She also ran my father down to me a lot and and treated him like he was was stupid.
The one thing I think my dad did wrong was he made me into his confidant and shared with me his feelings about her too. I think that was just because he had no one to talk to.
I married my first husband at age 19 because I thought I'd never do any better than him. I walked on eggshells constantly. I divorced him after 6 years and through counseling that my daughter later received discovered that he was an extreme narsacist.
My current marraige (20 yrs in) is better, but in the early years my husband would have anger issues and fly off the handle, slam doors, etc. He has been on anti-depressants for several years now and handles anger much better now. He has never called me names or anything. I just think that by this point I am so Hyper-vigilent that I'm afraid of almost anyone.

I have never thought of my childhood as emotionally abusive, but know my first marraige was. I'm trying to figure out why I am now the way I am. Constantly on edge. Hyper vigilent about other people's mood. I only feel safe (emotionally safe) when I am alone and I LOVE to be alone. I'm constantly gauging my husband's mood and worried about it. Does anyone have an opinion? Thank you.

[nicoleflynn]

We cannot compare differene kinds of abuse.....it is all terrible. Your mother' behavior was emotiotionally abusive. The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans saved my life. I think it should be required reading for everyone on the planet. Therapy is something you might consider.

[me665]

Originally Posted by nicoleflynn

We cannot compare differene kinds of abuse.....it is all terrible. Your mother' behavior was emotiotionally abusive. The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans saved my life. I think it should be required reading for everyone on the planet. Therapy is something you might consider.

Thank you. I'll look for that book. I'm trying to understand why I'm so "messed up"and why my body is so over reactive. Thank you!

[tinyrabbit]

Emotional abuse can actually cause worse damage than other kinds of abuses. It's not trivial!

As a survivor of physical, sexual, emotional & verbal abuse, I can let you know your feelings are valid, and I can also affirm that the scars from the emotional & verbal abuse take longer to heal ... Please don't discredit or downplay the injury and pain it has caused you ... It's very real and you didn't deserve to be treated in such a shabby manner.