[almostthere]

I want to know how many people rouminate and dwell on their past experiences and whether they are aware of how this stops them from moving on with their lives.

Please feel free to comment as u like. Nothing will surprise me, good, or bad.

Any advise, or thoughts, will be very much appreciated.

Thank u all....

Regards,

"almostthere"

[jadedbutterfly]

I had to look up the definition for ruminate before answering this.
I don't think I am ruminating or dwelling, at least consciously. But when there's a trigger... I have a very difficult time getting back to the present. But then there are so many triggers for me and I think that I haven't reached a point where I can say "that was then, this is now" and push through it quickly... so I guess the past does keep me from "moving on" with my life.

[yellowfrog268]

I do, frequently but I'm also not in therapy of any sort. Couldn't survive it, I would crumble like a house of cards.

[shezbut]

Almostthere,

Are you a survivor of abuse or caring for someone who is? Not that I'm The "holy survivor', but I have to say that your question seems to border on insensitive. We are survivors. That's a fact that will live with us as long as we're alive.

The abuse made a lasting impression on me for life, and people in general. My adult self works very hard to overcome these childhood impressions made. It hurts to hear someone say that I'm only holding myself back more by even thinking about these things ~ especially because I repressed those memories so hard for so long, always blaming myself and trying not to think about events, how in the world could me dealing with these darn memories (finally!) be holding me back still?? Repressing the memories sure didn't help me at all.

Is this an educated opinion that you're sharing, or simply your own experience? Either way, I really think that it's unfair and unkind to say that those who are still dealing with their dark memories are "dwelling on the past". I'd be willing to bet nearly every one of us would much rather let go of the memories and emotions already, but it's not that easy. I certainly wish that it was.

[Purple Heart]

Hi almostthere

Shezbut I’m not sure if almosthere is meaning to be insensitive. But from they are saying I guess I dwell in the past, not that I want to. I’d rather be in the present but everyday I’m triggered by flashbacks that make it hard to be in the present. It’s not an ‘attitude problem’ where I have a fixation with ‘living in the past’, but unfortunately with the nature of PTSD for example, the trauma from childhood was so extreme that it keeps invading your life TODAY. That’s my experience anyway.

[Hoonoo]

Shezbut I get you. I thought I moved on but I really just buried bones in the sand. Any blustery day and there they were, bleaching brittle in the arid sunlight.
My moving on has only come when I was strong enough to remember.

[growlithing]

Yeah I agree you worded the question weirdly, but no offense taken.

I'm not even sure if you need to consciously dwell on it for it to impact your life. I will revisit it when triggered and sometimes I'll constantly have it on my mind for a day or so after a bad/constant trigger. But even when I feel safe and relaxed, it feels like there is this empty space inside of my heart and no matter what I do, I can't make it go away. I have problems with trust, self esteem, body image, self hatred, anxiety, SH, etc all stemming from past abuse. It doesn't take me consciously dwelling on anything to be severely negatively impacted by it. If overcoming it was as easy as never thinking about it again, I'd be 75% cured.

[nicoleflynn]

There is a saying: 'I will let go of IT, when IT lets go of ME."

[Moodswing]

Originally Posted by yellowfrog268

I do, frequently but I'm also not in therapy of any sort. Couldn't survive it, I would crumble like a house of cards.

If you survived abuse you will survive therapy and the outcome would be better.

[cherryjogging]

Sometimes I do dwell on the past, but just because im trying to figure out how it has shaped my life, and to make sense of the behaviours that I have carried with me since childhood which have had an adverse effect on all aspects of my adult life. What were protective are now just self sabotage.
Yellow frog, I sometimes feel like I want to crumble like that pack of cards, and I wish I could, but something just keeps me in my own self imposed prison, and, i'm never coming out!

[BLUEDOVE]

Hi Guys, I don't think almost was in the least insensitive,he merely asked a question.
For any who are bothered with the past, try this
site: jayuhdinger.com

Maybe this is why it's referred to as "intrusive memories" ...

That part of my C-PTSD that simply won't let me be even though that's my one true desire.

Sure would be nice if I could simply dump it all into a suitcase and drop it off somewhere never to be bothered by it again.

Maybe that's what is referred to as "magical thinking" ...

At any rate, I also wish it didn't intrude upon and interfere with my daily functioning now ... But it does, and I guess the best I can do is keep working on it with the hopes that one day it won't.



ps. Maybe we don't dwell on it, perhaps it dwells on us?