[rainy_day]

I just hardly have the motivation anymore to go on, I feel so much shame like I don't deserve to live or get anywhere in life. I'm trying to cope with chronic illness, panic attacks and depression, but I keep getting nowhere.

I'm turning 25 soon and all I have under my belt are a few summer jobs and literally 3 university credits. The psychiatrist I have seen has shifted me from SSRI to SSRI over the past few years but it does nothing. But neither he or my doctor OKs me to come off them. I've tried anti-anxiety for the panic attacks and they help sometimes. The panic attacks make feel like I'm going crazy (I hope I'm not :s)

I think maybe it's all happening because I never had any kind of counselling for the childhood sexual abuse I survived. If I had the guts to get help for it would it make everything easier? What makes me feel most horrible is how my failure to get anywhere in life issupsetting my loved ones. They try so hard to help me but it's like they're watering a plan t that wont grow (if that makes sense). I feel like hell and need help so bad, please

[gental listening]

hi rainy hang in there,,sorry to hear you have to deal with chronic illness.
have you tried looking up meditative ideas like researching chakras or meditative music that can help give u a balance, I have just listened to a nice radio station that is coming,
I try to be open to new ideas. know u are not alone in suffering
hugs gentle

[mazing]

First of all, you do deserve to be ok No-one deserves to go through that kind of trauma, especially as a child, and while things may be extremely difficult now you are doing the best you can. That is what matters. You have kept going and survived through all that has happened.

Starting therapy can be one of the hardest things to do, but for most people it is helpful in time. It is a very personal decision but if you are really struggling and nothing else seems to be helping it could be something to consider.

As terrifying as those first few appointments are most counsellors, especially if trained in sexual assault, know how to approach it. Most won't force you to look at the abuse straight away but should take the time to get to know you and what you are wanting to achieve before diving into the harder stuff.