[fatefultragedy]

Question: For all of us suffering from BPD have you yet to reach your "core issue".....Do you also suffer from PTSD?....If so.how.were you able to start the process? How are.ways that you stop yourself from dissociation or "checking out" how were you able to.recognize your triggers?.... I am going to start writing out my thoughts when I feel my self splitting is what it's called I believe..... I suffered a very violent and abusive on every level childhood at the hands of my.father who was bi polar manic.depressant and.BPD and my mother who played the blind eye and.stopped caring once he stopped beating her left me to fend for myself and the 3 younger siblings.... Grew up in poverty neither parent worked and dad.was always in and out of jail. When the school recognized.something was going on.with me my mother told me.if I said anything I would never.see my.siblings again we'd all be torn apart and it would be all my fault.... I said nothing....then.she went as I got older 11/12 trying to convince me to kill my father in his sleep and promising me she would never let anything happen to me I could tell.the.judge.all the.things he does.....I did all house work and cooking and got the kids ready for school....even walked us to school to and from whenever my mom was kicking out my dad or he.was.locked up.....at 13.his.cousin came to visit (my.fathers) who was rumored to be possibly a. Pedophile...stayed for a week....tried several times to be alone with me but I wouldn't.....his last day there he said.come by say by e to your cousin i figured i was safe since my brother was there but no....he sexually molested me....i froze......when my father came put front he pushed me off.... I ran to my mother crying....the first words out of her mouth was are you lying?....my father called him up later when he reached his house....cussed him out.....nothing further....a year later (we moved to Vegas to escape my father however ofcourse he came) my parents had him over to visit.....then they went out with him to eat and gamble.....my father even moved in with him 2 years after.....my mother abandoned us several times leaving me to be the protector and provider.... There is so much more that I just don't have energy left to explain but I hope this gives an idea to my background....at 27 i broke.... I couldn't be strong anymore.... I am now 28...I still haven't worked.... I can't find control over my thoughts feelings or anything truly....but I am trying to find the answers.....any ideas is much appreciated....thank you

[spondiferous]

I have also realized I suffer from PTSD. My triggers involve feeling overwhelmed in general, being around my dad, making plans for my future, and sometimes just stimulation in general (living in the city, I get a lot of it). Unfortunately there isn't a magic answer. It just takes time, patience, effort, and a sense of gentle curiosity with yourself and the things you learn within and without. I'm currently somewhere in the middle of it all, though I'm having a depressive episode at the moment...
I'd like to know how you're doing now, if anything's progressed or improved for you or if you have had any new insights that have helped you in your journey.