[Frokly]

i just need some clarification whether what i went through in childhood is sexual abuse. this is because i have been diagnosed with schizophrenia when i was 16 and now have hypomania diagnosis though i know its psychotic rather than mania. i was reading an article on schizophrenia about subconscious roots and the past being the main theme of delusions. and realized that my delusions of persecution always have my loved ones being sexually abused by many many people sometimes hundreds and i find it really disturbing and destroying, so now i'm wondering whether this is due to past sexual abuse...

so i can recall very clearly that my brothers used to fondle my penis a lot when i was a child around 5 years old and one of my brothers used to suck on my penis around that age, i also have memories of one of my aunties sucking on me when i was younger but it just came as flashbacks rather than conscious memories.

and now my delusions always have people i love being sexually abused, and i think i also had other past sexual experience which i can't remember. so is this sexual abused or just children playing?

i'm mostly in the schizophrenia forum since i'm psychotic but just came here to find out... i was also frequently beaten by my parents growing up and had language problems as a child.

so because i was reading that article about the subconscious thematic delusions i was wandering whether this is why i always have delusions of people i love being ganged up on by many many people...

any advice plz? because i'm still traumatized by my delusions and hallucinations...

my brothers then would have been around 8 or 9 maybe older

[nicoleflynn]

Yes, that is all sexual abuse. Are you in therapy?

[Frokly]

okay thanks for the fast reply nicole i'm currrently not in therapy just on drugs anti-psychotics and anti-depressants have tried going once but i didn't manage to go in...

i think i finally found then answer to my delusions and hallucinations... thanks again...