[Confused213]

My only question is that above; whether it's at home or on the Internet, how do you deal with it when people don't believe?

[kaliope]

you just have to have faith in yourself and knowing your own truth. you cant care what others think. my family didn't support me in owning up to the abuse I suffered at the hands of my father. they said "let sleeping dogs lie", but I needed to in order to heal. so I made the choice to do so. I don't much talk to my family now and I am ok with that because I did what I did to get better and they didn't approve of that. but my mental health was more important than those unhealthy relationships. I am better now and they are not. I don't need to deal with that unhealthy stuff any longer unless I choose to.

[SQLVR]

I agree with kaliope. It can be frustrating to not get the validation you want and deserve, but in the end you know the truth and that is what matters.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by Confused213

My only question is that above; whether it's at home or on the Internet, how do you deal with it when people don't believe?

Believe yourself.

And others will believe you if some don't.

I believe you.

Carol

[Purple Heart]

hi confused

I'm similar to you. I don't get any support of my recovery from my family. They dont' want to understand and probably view me as the problem. They probably want me to 'get over it'. But with PTSD you just can't get over it! So my friends are my family and they care about me being me and getting well!

[Mama Char-Lee]

If they choose not to believe me, then I am fine with that. It just goes to show that they are not worth my time or attention. My family and a handful of my closest friends have FINALLY realized that my PTSD is NOT going to just "go away." They accept me, and they know what happened to me way-back-when and they don't question it, (even if they did, I couldn't speak about it without "going back there." It sucks).

[tinyrabbit]

I think it's important to examine why you care if they believe you - what is it you're hoping to get from them, e.g. validation?

Sometimes I think we want others to believe us so we can give ourselves permission to believe what we already know.

[Confused213]

Originally Posted by tinyrabbit

I think it's important to examine why you care if they believe you - what is it you're hoping to get from them, e.g. validation?

Sometimes I think we want others to believe us so we can give ourselves permission to believe what we already know.

I'm not sure. Some guy I really don't know said (it shouldn't bother me, but it made me wonder how my family would respond.

Would my family say this?)

"Okay, close the computer. Mommy is calling you.
Your story is unbelievable. Get a life."

It made me think. Is spooning "unbelievable?" I just don't understand. I didn't even write my whole story. Just the spooning part.
Maybe if it is "unbelievable", my repressed memories are false?
I'm just trying to figure everything out.

But I think you make a valid point, for sure. Maybe I am looking for validation. Validation to grieve, perhaps.
Or validation... for what, I don't know.

Do I even have anything to grieve over?

I tend to distance myself from those who are not supportive of me and my healing and recovery process. That definitely includes those who don't believe me, because in essence they're calling me a liar, and I shall not abide it.

[tinyrabbit]

I can completely understand why that bothered you, especially as you're trying to make sense of your experiences and doubting the way you feel, as I remember from your posts.

I can't tell you what your family would say. But I can tell you this: you were there, and you know how it felt, what the vibe was like, what your gut feeling was. Some things might not seem abusive to people who have grown up in non-abusive environments and can only imagine contact with, say, parental figures being perfectly innocent. They see your experiences through the lens of their own experience.

But they weren't there, and you were. You know how it made you feel. But nobody was around to listen, or discuss it like you are now, so you had to find a way to process it without understanding it. Nobody gets to tell you how you must have felt at the time, because they don't know.

What do you have to grieve over? Lots of things. The ability to believe in a world where such things are innocent. The good-enough parents I'm guessing you didn't have. Childhood innocence. The ability to go through life without questioning whether you were abused or having to remember that you were.

I'm sorry this comment has shaken you so. I think it was completely out of line. Was it on PC? Wherever it was, I suggest reporting it because it's really offensive. If you link me to it I'll happily do so too.

For the record, I feel like rubbish when people suggest I'm imagining things or my memories don't suggest what I think they do. And I think that feeling tells me a lot about whether my memories are true - namely that they are, or why would I be so invested in them?

[shezbut]

Originally Posted by Confused213

...Maybe I am looking for validation. Validation to grieve, perhaps.
Or validation... for what, I don't know.

Do I even have anything to grieve over?

In my experience, validation is such an important factor in recovery. While my parents did validate my emotions and experiences with one of my sexual abusers, the other half of my family refused to do so. Having my parents' support was huge for me! After a couple of years, I was able to accept that part of my history.

A more emotionally disturbing case (for me) involving my brother, my parents refuse to validate. I am terrified to have any relationship with my brother now ~ my PTSD and BPD kicks in hard with family matters now. I cannot, will not, do any kind of work in maintaining a relationship with any of my family. I refuse!

My mom did "try" to validate my memory of an incident that occurred, but she did a very poor job ~ I felt like she was basically telling me that I've made it up. And I distinctly recall the event very well, I always have. I am NOT making it up, or imagining things. I KNOW that & they should face the facts, instead of continuing to stick their heads in the sand! I hate my family for being so freaking sick, doing so many cruel things, and covering it up. I cannot be a part of that anymore ~ I will not. I've stepped back from my entire family as a result...for my emotional health. That was the right thing for me to do.

Do you have anything to grieve over?

Yes, in my opinion, so much grief. You shouldn't have to suffer these uncomfortable memories and feelings. You are entitled to express your feelings. Family should care that you're suffering, and want to do whatever they can to help. In a perfect world, all families would. Unfortunately, we live in a very imperfect world. But you need to do what's best for YOU. You will always be with yourself, no matter where you are in life. You deserve self-acceptance and comfort.

[NWgirl2013]

I don't try to deal anymore. It has shattered me. I believe myself. I try to move on.

[Atypical_Disaster]

If someone doesn't believe me, I simply kick them out of my life. Problem solved!

[tinyrabbit]

I think with something like this - when someone who doesn't know you makes a snap judgement because they're seeing through the lens of their own stuff - it can make you doubt yourself because it reflects your insecurities and fears back to you and makes it harder to believe in yourself. But you DO know better than that person.

[Stanley_19802]

I feel it's important to be believed. Validation that it DID happen and that how your feeling/coping IS expected from going through whatever happened. My family has not believed much of the abuse that took place. Some they will admit happened. But 95% of the abuse they say I lied about. With abuse at school, my parents said I was making it up so I didn't have to go to school. And in the hospital they said I made it up to come home.

My family refused to believe the abuse took place. My brother actually going to the point of e-mailing all my friends and telling them I had lied about my past. I lost a lot of friends, them saying they are angry that I would lie about something like that. But then again, I guess if they were really my friends, they wouldn't have listened to my brother who wasn't even there in neither the school or the hospitals with me. So he has no way of knowing what did or didn't happen.

But yea, being believed for me helps my friends understand why I am how I am. Afraid to be in a room that doesn't have a lamp on for example. Or why I jump so violently if anyone catches me by surprise. Much more than someone who was just startled. I guess that's how I feel about it.

And I guess I wanted my mom to say something like "Ok, it did happen. I'm sorry I sent you there and didn't do anything to protect you when you told me you were being hurt". I don't know. The last time I asked her why she sent me to the hospitals. Not that she sent me because I was suicidal or anything, but because she would lie saying I was suicidal so they would take me. A form of grounding she herself wouldn't have to enforce. Her reply was "Well, if you were better behaved that stuff wouldn't have happened". I don't care how bad I was or could ever have been, nothing justifys abuse. Ever.

Sorry for the rant, hasn't been a good night. Broke off with my therapist tonight. Leave that issue for another topic. So yea, I have to say being believed for me is a big thing.

-Stanley