[yoli-wa]

so upon reading an article titled 15 signs you're in an emotionally abusive relationship. I realized 12 out of 15 applied to my last relationship. some physical abuse was involved as well.

i hate that i still feel like i love her and some days its just a struggle in my heart between love and hate. it drives me nuts most of the time. i know i dont deserve all the things she put me through. i hate how our minds work after a break up. how it manages to find all the good memories the throw into your consciousness so that it gives you the impression that it was better than what it actually was. its hard to remember all the bad things when ive blocked a lot off as a defense mechanism. i try to bring those memories to the surface but its dangerous for me because it has caused me to go into an anxiety attack. after that instant i realized how vulnerable and damaged the relationship left me. i'm just trying to take it one day at a time. some days its so hard. its so hard not to try and pull her back into my life. that frustration kills me every day but deep down i know that the bpd talking and i try to snap myself out of the habit of reaching out because im being overwhelmed by feelings of emptiness and loneliness. trust me its harder than it sounds.

[lynn P.]

Welcome to PC yoli-wa and you're smart for getting out of this relationship. 3 out 5 women are in abusive relationships and its rampant in young relationships too. Men and women are victims as well. I'm in a emotionally abusive relationship that I'm trying to get out of and I understand how it affects self esteem. Abusers also have a charming side and during the good times, we tend to tell ourselves lies....like "maybe the person learned or we can solve their behavior".

Its better to be lonely/alone than in an abusive relationship. I really think they need to teach this is high school - warning signs of a toxic relationship. No matter what don't consider falling back into the relationship. I hope one day you'll find a healthy loving partner who brings out the best in you.