[boopei]

My partner who I've been with almost 2 years was abused in his previous marriage, by his wife. Physically, mentally and sexually, and she's still trying to control and manipulate him, and the kids (because she's very angry that he has sole custody of them.. long story)

He thought he could deal with it, but after she slapped him a couple of months ago at one of the children's events, it broke him.

I myself, am a survivor of rape. I went through and got the help I needed to get me through the feelings of self-loathing, that I deserved it, etc. They creep up once and a while, and I deal with it again, and move on. Is it the same for a case like his, or different?

But how do I help him? He's going to therapy, but his ex has him scared, and as a man, he's very ashamed that he let a woman, his former wife (that he married out of duty - he got her pregnant with his son before they were married) beat him down, break his spirit. He went from indifference towards her to anger and showing his fear and anxiety towards her. He's VERY angry now, which is good in a way as it's part of the cycle of healing, but bad, because he's got 8 years of pent up anger towards her, and he's snapping at everything, which I understand and want to help him through.

I know I have to let him sort it out on his own for the most part, but any advice would be very very welcome. Thanks

[kaliope]

I can hear how much you want to help your husband and sense your powerlessness to do so. You are right, this is his battle to fight. It is good that he is in therapy to deal with this. Just being there to support him is the best thing you can do. Take care.