[Owl_Lover]

So apparently I have my abuser on Facebook, I didn't know this until a week ago. All of a sudden he just starts posting about how he is getting sober and how he's grateful about all of his friends who never turned his back on him and how he loves them all....I just can't help but want to go and bash on him. Over and over again, I want to make him feel the way I do. I want him to feel uncomfortable and scared to get close to people, I want him to cry in his closet wrapped up in blankets because you feel like your either going to cry yourself to sleep or attempt to kill yourself again. I want him to feel like he is worthless, and I want him to feel the way I do everyday. Because I feel worthless again and I feel like an idiot because I just couldn't stop him.

I don't know how to control my feelings right now, I feel lost again....I have come so far in trying to stay in control of my life but lately I feel like I am losing control of everything...I'm probably going back to therapy soon and I hope I can get these thoughts out of my head. I don't want to be a bad person and I want to be able to forgive my abuser but I just can't right now. Does that make me a horrible person to wish what he did to me someone could do to him?

[Lookupandsmile123]

I'm sorry to hear what happened to you, but NO that does not make you a bad person. I have felt the same before, many times. Its completely normal. Never feel worthless! He is the worthless one, YOU ARE NOT!

I hope you can heal soon x

[wushuduck]

Okay, I'm crap with words as you know but I'll give it my best shot...

Originally Posted by Owl_Lover

So apparently I have my abuser on Facebook, I didn't know this until a week ago.

Delete and block him, Owl, he's doing no favours for you, he's only going to cause you mroe problems in the long run.

All of a sudden he just starts posting about how he is getting sober and how he's grateful about all of his friends who never turned his back on him and how he loves them all.... I just can't help but want to go and bash on him. Over and over again, I want to make him feel the way I do. I want him to feel uncomfortable and scared to get close to people, I want him to cry in his closet wrapped up in blankets because you feel like your either going to cry yourself to sleep or attempt to kill yourself again. I want him to feel like he is worthless, and I want him to feel the way I do everyday.

I'm not surprised you feel like this! But you need to understand that it's normal to feel this way. He wants people to feel sorry for him, he's just doing it for attention, like with most people on Facebook, and he's probably getting all that, except he's got no right to. So it's natural that you feel so full of rage about it all.

I don't know what to suggest, but don't do anything. Don't show him up on Facebook in the eyes of everyone, that'll only cause more problems in the long run. Like I said, the best thing to do is to block him and delete him. He's only a trigger for you and is adding more stress to your life. If anyone asks why you've deleted him, tell them it's none of their business, because it isn't.

Because I feel worthless again and I feel like an idiot because I just couldn't stop him.

I've only known you for about a month now, but I think that's enough to tell you that you aren't worthless. You've got a lot more going for you than me, and I don't feel worthless. What's happened has happened, the only thing you can do is move on. It's hard and I know it's really not as simple as that, but that's what you've got to do. You've got to be more selfish from now on, think about your own needs, your studies, your desires, and just go after them. Dwelling on your feelings will only make things worse, and in turn he will mess your life up further. Try to make the best out of this experience, use it to make yourself stronger.

Set yourself goals and do everything to achieve them, because when you're graduating college, or getting that promotion you've been working so hard for, and he's in and out of rehab or abusing his children, you can look at him and laugh... people will respect you and he will be known as the bum in the family.

I'm probably going back to therapy soon and I hope I can get these thoughts out of my head.

This is the best route to take. I know you don't trust the therapist not to tell your parents, so tell her that, she won't make you tell her, she'll help you another way. And maybe once she gains your trust you can open up to her. It will be a massive weight off your chest and I'm sure a lot of people here will agree with that. She'll be able to help you in a more specific way.

I don't want to be a bad person and I want to be able to forgive my abuser but I just can't right now. Does that make me a horrible person to wish what he did to me someone could do to him?

No, it does not make you a bad person. An abuser is a bad person, a victim wishing revenge on her abuser is not the bad person. Don't even think that. Ask yourself, does he even deserve your forgiveness?

[A Red Panda]

It doesn't make you a bad person to hope your abuser feels the same pain that they made you feel. Some of my own friends have befriended the people who bullied me... after knowing about it, and years down the road. It really hurts to know that they could become friends with someone who they KNEW hurt me deeply. And then I have to see and hear about how well that person is doing for themselves. It hurts. It hurts knowing that they get to have a good life and apparently not regrets or awful feelings about what they've done to me and others - and yet I still live with the repercussions because what they did formed part of who I am.

The most that we can hope for.. is that maybe deep inside they DO feel like the worthless piece of s**t that they are.

Your best bet is going to be to block him. It must have been a nasty shock to find out he was on your FB.... but you can delete him. And keep trying to live the best life that you can. He's clearly made a mess of his own, and he'll likely keep making a mess of his own life.

You aren't worthless.

[Owl_Lover]

Originally Posted by Twigg

Okay, I'm crap with words as you know but I'll give it my best shot...

Delete and block him, Owl, he's doing no favours for you, he's only going to cause you mroe problems in the long run.

I'm not surprised you feel like this! But you need to understand that it's normal to feel this way. He wants people to feel sorry for him, he's just doing it for attention, like with most people on Facebook, and he's probably getting all that, except he's got no right to. So it's natural that you feel so full of rage about it all.

I don't know what to suggest, but don't do anything. Don't show him up on Facebook in the eyes of everyone, that'll only cause more problems in the long run. Like I said, the best thing to do is to block him and delete him. He's only a trigger for you and is adding more stress to your life. If anyone asks why you've deleted him, tell them it's none of their business, because it isn't.

I've only known you for about a month now, but I think that's enough to tell you that you aren't worthless. You've got a lot more going for you than me, and I don't feel worthless. What's happened has happened, the only thing you can do is move on. It's hard and I know it's really not as simple as that, but that's what you've got to do. You've got to be more selfish from now on, think about your own needs, your studies, your desires, and just go after them. Dwelling on your feelings will only make things worse, and in turn he will mess your life up further. Try to make the best out of this experience, use it to make yourself stronger.

Set yourself goals and do everything to achieve them, because when you're graduating college, or getting that promotion you've been working so hard for, and he's in and out of rehab or abusing his children, you can look at him and laugh... people will respect you and he will be known as the bum in the family.

This is the best route to take. I know you don't trust the therapist not to tell your parents, so tell her that, she won't make you tell her, she'll help you another way. And maybe once she gains your trust you can open up to her. It will be a massive weight off your chest and I'm sure a lot of people here will agree with that. She'll be able to help you in a more specific way.

No, it does not make you a bad person. An abuser is a bad person, a victim wishing revenge on her abuser is not the bad person. Don't even think that. Ask yourself, does he even deserve your forgiveness?

Thanks Twigg you always know how to make me feel better!

[Owl_Lover]

Originally Posted by A Red Panda

It doesn't make you a bad person to hope your abuser feels the same pain that they made you feel. Some of my own friends have befriended the people who bullied me... after knowing about it, and years down the road. It really hurts to know that they could become friends with someone who they KNEW hurt me deeply. And then I have to see and hear about how well that person is doing for themselves. It hurts. It hurts knowing that they get to have a good life and apparently not regrets or awful feelings about what they've done to me and others - and yet I still live with the repercussions because what they did formed part of who I am.

The most that we can hope for.. is that maybe deep inside they DO feel like the worthless piece of s**t that they are.

Your best bet is going to be to block him. It must have been a nasty shock to find out he was on your FB.... but you can delete him. And keep trying to live the best life that you can. He's clearly made a mess of his own, and he'll likely keep making a mess of his own life.

You aren't worthless.

Sorry about what happened to you, panda but thank you for your response

[Bill3]

You aren't bad, horrible, or worthless.

I'm sorry that you are hurting so much.