[thunderbear]

I dont want judgement on me or my husband. I just want straight forward answers not bashing of anyone..
Ok so Ive been with my husband for 12 years. Hes always been untrusting of me literally from day 3 of our relationship. The first 2 years werent bad. But then my mom was diagnosed with stage 3 ovarian cancer & stage 4 pancreatic cancer. She eventually was put in hospice at the hospital. I was pretty much living there with her. At first he started accusing me of lying about my whereabouts because he called my moms room and I was down in the smokers area outside smoking and my little bro had just got there and didnt know I was there so he told H he hadnt seen me. Well when I got back upstairs my bro told me he had called but it was long distance so I didnt call back. I didmt kno what my bro had told him. Well the next day, I went home so I could shower and get some sleep. H started yelling at me calling me a *****. I went in the bedroom and laid across the bed and he puched me in the buttcheek. It left a bruise about the size of a grapefruit and I couldnt walk right. I left right then and went to the hospital and took my shower there. Well while I was towling off my sister walked in and seen the bruise. I tried to tell her I fell down the steps on my butt but shes a CNA and could tell it was not from a fall. That was the first incident.

I left him 3 months later in the middle of the night. And he found me and tried to get me to come home. Finally after months of it,, and him practically holding my son hostage by not letting me talk to him or see him, I went back.

Things were great for a few years. Then we moved. We got our first computer and I joined myspace. He started hacking it everyday. Hacking my email. He would go off over those spams you get from dating sites and accuse me of visiting them. Well, one of my friends posted a pic in my comments section of a bedspread that looked like the game twister and he said "Lol people would break their necks on this". Well H took it as my friend hittin on me and he hurt me bad that night. I dont want to talk about it, cuz it makes me scared. I snuck out that morning and went to his aunts and his uncle mage me take my jacket off and it pissed him off seeimg what was done that he cried then went to set his nephew straight. By then I was gone. Unbeknownst to me, H called the cops under the assumption I was going to, & told them I had attacked him so I would probably have marks on me. He took out an Epo and told the judge that I had Ptsd and went off my meds (I didnt) & went crazy and suggested mandatory mental lockup. That didnt happen but Im not allowed custody of my son because of when he said. I wasnt even allowed to get my meds cuz the cops in this town went to school with H and pretty much took his side. So I went cold turkey off of Lexapro, seroquel, topamax & propanalol. Now to explain his behaviour then. He was on massive amounts of steriods due to autoimmune disorder and it caused some kind of bad chem reaction in his brain. That dont mean I forgive him for it. Oh & I had an affair, altho we were seperated at the time. Only H considers it an affair.

That was the last physicall abuse. But his words are mean. I cant go thru all the crap hes said over the years, but this week I can. Last Friday he wouldnt let me go to my best friends house to console her (her bf of 10 yrs just up & left her. Monday he yelled for hours be aise I didnt wash his coffee cup. Sayin I didnt care bout him. That I was selfish. On & on. Then yesterday he said that I didnt care about our son and his school. That I was a bad mother. This went on all night. Then he hacked my facebook. He stayed up all night and when I got up this morning, he demanded that I go back to bed so he could go to sleep. I said "No. Its your own damn fault you didnt come to bed last night. Im up and I got **** to do". He just kept runnin that mouth abt how I didnt love him.and I was selfish and I make his life hellish.

Ok...is this emotional abuse? Everything Ive read dont point to it, but it sure does feel like it. If it werent for my klonipin, I would be halfway to crazy and he hurts my feelings.

[A Red Panda]

In your post there is:

physical abuse
verbal abuse
emotional abuse.

[stuck in a rut]

I agree with a red panda....noone should have to live like this. My husband hit me once...we had been married about a year (19 years ago). I told him if he ever did it again, I would take my infant daughter and leave....he never laid his hands on me again. After seeing my adopted father beat my adopted mother and being beat by both of them growing up I was not going to put up with it from my husband. I wish you luck.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I727 using Tapatalk 2

[thunderbear]

Thanks guys ((((hugss)))

I just dont know what to do. I feel so trapped. In a sick & twisted way, I feel sorry for him. One minute hes a total ahole the next hes sweet. Im so damned confused and mad at myself.

[thunderbear]

Thanks guys ((((hugss)))

I just dont know what to do. I feel so trapped. In a sick & twisted way, I feel sorry for him. One minute hes a total ahole the next hes sweet. Im so damned confused and mad at myself.

[nicoleflynn]

I left after 31 years of verbal and physical abuse. The book that saved my life: The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans....If you read it you will think she wrote that book just for you....and about you.

I would suggest reading that book and also getting into counseling for yourself. Abuser s rarely change unless they get into their own therapy and they really don't think they have a problem; everyone else does. Abuse is literally brainwashing; that is why you feel so confused. There is a "cycle of violence" wheel; you can look it up on the internet......

[thunderbear]

Originally Posted by nicoleflynn

I left after 31 years of verbal and physical abuse. The book that saved my life: The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans....If you read it you will think she wrote that book just for you....and about you.

I would suggest reading that book and also getting into counseling for yourself. Abuser s rarely change unless they get into their own therapy and they really don't think they have a problem; everyone else does. Abuse is literally brainwashing; that is why you feel so confused. There is a "cycle of violence" wheel; you can look it up on the internet......

Yea my H doesnt think he has a problem either. Hes verbally abusive to even his own family. He says its their fault cuz they are all against him. Or they dont love him

[Rohag]

I'm so sorry Thunderbear.

Originally Posted by thunderbear

...the cops in this town went to school with H and pretty much took his side.

Whatever you decide to do, take this fact into account. Your problems involve not only people but geography, too.

I wish we could send you a rescue helicopter...

[nicoleflynn]

You may FEEL trapped, but you are not ..you have a choice. What do you want to do about it?

[healingme4me]

Mental Illness, doesn't preclude a person from custody, you are still married, how can this be reality?

Is it emotional abuse? Yes. Psychological, physical and um, he has prevented you from being treated for your MI? By not allowing you to get your medications???

Feeling trapped, comes from the threats he has made

http://nnedv.org/

[thunderbear]

Thanks guys
I think I feel trapped because I feel like his caretaker. Well, I AM his caretaker for his illness, but I also feel trapped because the many years we've been together and our kid. And financially. Also, I DO care about him. The last thing I want to do is hurt him. But at what cost to me??

[thunderbear]

Thanks guys
I think I feel trapped because I feel like his caretaker. Well, I AM his caretaker for his illness, but I also feel trapped because the many years we've been together and our kid. And financially. Also, I DO care about him. The last thing I want to do is hurt him. But at what cost to me??