[A Red Panda]

Does anyone else have problems with this?

Like... I have major issues with being touched. It doesn't bother me when kids touch me, but other adults? I cringe inside (I'm pretty good at not displaying it).

I don't like hugs, I don't like people putting their arm on me, I don't like arms touching while standing next to someone.

I can get through day-to-day things, but it really causes an issue during sex.

Last night I ended up going home with a friend of mine after a Christmas party. He and I have fooled around a lot in the past, but we've only had sex once - and we were both too drunk to really remember it. It's been ages since we last made out at all or that - we haven't seen each other much and I felt awkward as he's now sharing a house with some of his friends. I wasn't expecting my night to go like this, but mostly I just wanted to cheer him up really.

And, like the last few times I was with him.... I ended up crying. I don't know what set things off, I just started to cry because I couldn't handle the attention on me and it was uncomfortable having any physical contact with him. This is like... the third time I've broken down while with him! He's never done anything wrong. I think I just can't handle the stress of having attention on me - he's a lot more concerned about putting attention on me than I'm used to. I couldn't even make eye contact with him - I kept literally covering his eyes with my hands.

He handles it well - he just held on to me when I started crying and told me it was ok.

I don't get it. I don't get why my issues are so amplified with him. I just want it to stop.

And I've never been physically abused, nor in an abusive relationship. I really have no idea what's wrong with me.

Just wondering really if anyone is similar or if they have any insight/suggestions on how the hell to get a grip.

[ThisWayOut]

I know touch freaks me out when I'm feeling more vulnerable (and often times that can be during sex, even with my wife). Sometimes being touched literally hurts. I dislike being by strangers or people i don't know really well (unless I see them as a nurturing figure). I hate brushing up against people also. I think much of my discomfort from general physical touch c comes from a lack of physical closeness growing up. No one in my family was very "touchy - feely" when I was a kid. Hugs were almost non - existent even if you had tripped and skinned your knees. I know my discomfort during sex comes from assault and abuse issues. Maybe the attention thing stems from some fear of being "seen" for who you think you are, or from some negative association with attention in the past?
I'm glad he is being supportive though. I'm sorry it's so hard.

[A Red Panda]

Yeah.... that's a good point. My family was a no-touch family. I can't remember ever having a hug or anything that was just out of good intentions - there were some obligatory ones that were forced and uncomfortable. My parents never even said "I love you" to each other or us really.

I don't really know how to handle someone being supportive like that. It's so bizarre and I don't understand why he would be that kind.

[sweepy62]

I can totally get it, lately I cant stand being touched or cuddled in bed wit h , it freaks me out I just need space, im not a hugger either, sometimes I wish I had my own bed.

[A Red Panda]

See.... I WANT to be close. I'm just not comfortable and it scares me. I sleep terribly with someone else in the bed because I'm a light sleeper - but I like having someone there. I like being able to hold on to his hand when I'm trying to fall back asleep.

I just flip out with it.

[Focus62]

I am the same way about touch. I can't stand to be touched or be the center of attention, it causes so much pressure and stress for me. I have broken up with two boyfriends over the sex/physical attention issue because I just can't handle it. I get so overwhelmed that eventually all I can think about is how much I dread going to their houses because I know I'm going to have to "perform" and act like a girlfriend by doing the typical PDA and it drives me crazy. I love them, there's nothing wrong with them...it's all me. I wish I had an answer for you, but I'm still trying to figure this one out myself. Just wanted to let you know that there's plenty of people that feel the same way as you, including myself.

[A Red Panda]

Thank you. I definitely had that with one of my exes... I was under a lot of stress and wasn't really in the right mind frame to start a relationship... but I did anyway. It got to the point where I absolutely was dreading weekends because I didn't want him to come back to my place. I'd be happy enough going out places with him... but I did not want him to come home with me and I lost ALL interest in sex... and in fact had a panic attack once.

But this guy? He's my friend. There really wasn't any pressure of any kind. I just started crying.

[Bluenosette]

First off you are not alone.

I have never felt comfortable with any amount of attention. Even as a young child I would hate people singing happy birthday to me, or giving me any attention whatsoever. Part of it for me I suppose is abuse related. I dissociate very easily when the focus is put on me. For example during my therapy sessions I zone out quite a bit. It truly is an awful feeling, and can make you feel very lonely, and super crazy at times.

I am glad he is being supportive of you. Maybe you need to bring this up with him, and together you can find a way to deal with your fears/panic? Talking to him about it may help ease the anxiety a little.

I wish you all the best, and wish I had answers for you.

[ThisWayOut]

Originally Posted by Bluenosette

I have never felt comfortable with any amount of attention. Even as a young child I would hate people singing happy birthday to me, or giving me any attention whatsoever. Part of it for me I suppose is abuse related. I dissociate very easily when the focus is put on me. For example during my therapy sessions I zone out quite a bit. It truly is an awful feeling, and can make you feel very lonely, and super crazy at times.

I hated that also... for therapy, I have found "hiding" behind a pillow on her couch, or distracting myself with coloring helps a lot. It has allowed me to learn how not to totally dissociate during a session as well as be able to talk a bit more openly...

[A Red Panda]

I sorta zone out at counselling too. I tend to fidget with something (usually the zipper on my purse) so that I don't have to look at him. It's really taxing on me because it's like... an hour a week where the attention is on ME and who I am.

[Open Eyes]

Originally Posted by A Red Panda

Does anyone else have problems with this?

Like... I have major issues with being touched. It doesn't bother me when kids touch me, but other adults? I cringe inside (I'm pretty good at not displaying it).

I don't like hugs, I don't like people putting their arm on me, I don't like arms touching while standing next to someone.

I can get through day-to-day things, but it really causes an issue during sex.

Last night I ended up going home with a friend of mine after a Christmas party. He and I have fooled around a lot in the past, but we've only had sex once - and we were both too drunk to really remember it. It's been ages since we last made out at all or that - we haven't seen each other much and I felt awkward as he's now sharing a house with some of his friends. I wasn't expecting my night to go like this, but mostly I just wanted to cheer him up really.

And, like the last few times I was with him.... I ended up crying. I don't know what set things off, I just started to cry because I couldn't handle the attention on me and it was uncomfortable having any physical contact with him. This is like... the third time I've broken down while with him! He's never done anything wrong. I think I just can't handle the stress of having attention on me - he's a lot more concerned about putting attention on me than I'm used to. I couldn't even make eye contact with him - I kept literally covering his eyes with my hands.

He handles it well - he just held on to me when I started crying and told me it was ok.

I don't get it. I don't get why my issues are so amplified with him. I just want it to stop.

And I've never been physically abused, nor in an abusive relationship. I really have no idea what's wrong with me.

Just wondering really if anyone is similar or if they have any insight/suggestions on how the hell to get a grip.

Schitzoid Personality disorder and sometimes Social Phobia can create that reaction, just the thought of intimacy can be repulsive. I actually learned that from someone who suffers from it.
Just a thought, not a diagnosis or assumption or anything.

OE

[CSSKH1]

My son has similar issues, he has social anxiety disorder and hates to be focused on. I used to have similar problems with touch, years ago when I first started dating, I was 19 and each man I went out with if he was rough or forceful in any way I shut down. I got physically sick and had to end the date, of course never to see this person again. For me it steamed from years of sexual abuse, I still have reoccurring beliefs that I am a toy for men. To this day I cant stand my mom to touch me or hug me.. I cant trust her and refuse to allow the little person inside to feel that fear any more. I have no desire to be close to her in any way shape or form. Maybe its a trigger from something your not consciously aware of?

[A Red Panda]

CSSK: The more I've thought about it the last few days, I think it's from the fact that my family had no physical contact really. What we had was forced scenarios when at family functions or things like that. And the fact that it's been pretty ingrained in my head that I'm not worth affection or time or attention.... and that I'm ugly and not attractive in any way.

OE: I don't find it repulsive. It's way more of an anxiety thing and a worry about rejection/abandonment. I'm not sure how I gave the impression that I find it repulsive?

[Open Eyes]

I just tossed it out there Panda, I understand what you mean better. Some people however don't like touching or affection and don't know why.

I am sorry your family or at least one parent was not affectionate. That can happen because a parent was raised wrong and they don't know how to connect with their own child in just hugging etc. It doesn't mean the child isn't worth that kind of love either, but they often "do" feel that way.

[ladytiger]

i am the same way my parents never hugged us thank god and when they did there was no genuineness, love, or anything just 'lets get this over with so we can look good for the public but other than that, go away." absolutely no love in my family at all. i have issues when people want to hug me, i always had to question what do they want? is it real or fake? i have no problems with my bf hugging me, in the beginning i did, but not anymore.

i also had female friends who wouldn't hug because they feared of being viewed as lesbians if two chicks are hugging one another, omg believe me in high school, i used to believe that not anymore. i told my therapist about this and what not...

[A Red Panda]

Yeah... I sorta had it from well, all family. Parents, siblings, extended family...

I can get used to things with boyfriends. I just don't know why I flip out with my friend! Like... I've had one night stands before and they've been fine. I've been in relationships and it's been fine. Like... it doesn't mean I'm comfortable and I freak out inside, but I don't actually CRY. So why do I cry with my friend? Auugh!

[Kat188743343]

I'm feel the same about being touched too. I hate it, yet at the same time I'm jealous of ppl who seem to be ok with it. I was raised with my grandparents , and was basically brought up not to show emotions,have opinions or show affection. As my Gma was raised in a convent orphanage..she is kinda mixed up. So now, I struggle to hug friends, and family even. As for intimacy...well that's a whole new challenge! All I can say is that having friends around who understand, helps so much. I have friends who are trying to 're educate' me lol. Showing me it's ok to give /receive affection and attention. Hope things get better for you.

[A Red Panda]

Yeah... my friends know not to really touch me at all - at the same time, if I haven't seen them for a long time or won't see them for a long time then hugs are alright. They know that they can do smaller gestures and I'll be ok with it. The ones I currently have are strange for me.. because they so far have been pretty understanding and pretty attentive and accepting of things. And that's really quite bizarre too. haha.