[too SHy]

The children love their dad. I'm not going to interfere with that. However they always have family dinners with him and I cannot be at the same table with him. He is extremely loud mouthed, and intimidating. How do I Bow Out gracefully?

[A Red Panda]

Are you and their dad split up? If you are broken up... then there's no reason at all to sit down with him as you do not need to see him beyond dropping off your kids.

If you're still in a relationship with him, then I have to ask why? I am sure that your children would ultimately rather see both of you happy. Sure, there's a lot of anger in some kids when their parents split up... but if even sitting down at the table to eat is really painful for you, then I can't imagine how you can reconcile yourself to living in the same building as him?

I can't think of how to decline if you're living with him. But if you're split up and they all want you to stay... just politely say that you had other plans for the evening or something.

[too SHy]

no, we have adult children. But I get physically ill when he is anywhere near me. Yes, it was that bad.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by too SHy

The children love their dad. I'm not going to interfere with that. However they always have family dinners with him and I cannot be at the same table with him. He is extremely loud mouthed, and intimidating. How do I Bow Out gracefully?

if you are here in america no you do not have to be anywhere near your abuser, or any one else that you dont want to have contact with, americans have the freedom to choose who they want to hang out with, be friends with, whether they want to be near their abusers or not..

that said there are other countries/cultures where a victim does not have that freedom and must partake in being part of the family unit at family events/functions and such..

my suggestion if you are not in america consult with who ever is your treatment providers, law makers or those in authority. they will explain whether you have the right to refuse to be near your abuser.

[A Red Panda]

If your children are adults, then they should understand by now that you do NOT want to be near their father. You have absolutely no reason to be near them.

Are you and their dad still in a relationship? Or did you break up? I have no idea from your posts so I am basing my responses on the assumption that you are no longer together.

If you're worried that they're spending so much time with their dad having dinners and not enough with you... who sets up the plans? Do you invite them over to where you live often? Or is it usually your kids who set up the dinner plans?