[Teddy:)]

I need help working out what sexual abuse is? My whole life I thought it was just -someone having sex with you when you didn't want too
But now I am finding out it is not just that.

So what do you class as sexual abuse?

[mazing]

You are right that it can vary but for me sexual abuse is any sexual act that is done without permission or informed consent. That can be sexual intercourse but can also be inappropriate/unwanted touching or unwanted/forced watching of sexual acts or sexual materials.

[blueredgrey]

Dear Teddy,

It depends on the age group of the victim. If it is a minor then showing them pornography, introducing them to any type of sexual talk, undressing them for your gratification, undressing yourself and exposing in front of the minor, sexual touching, fondling, inappropriate kissing, asking them to touch organs, sexual acts like - masturbation, oral sex, penetrative sex, etc, with or without the minor's consent......all these constitute sexual abuse

If it is adult - forcing them into any sexual act - masturbation, penetration, oral, pornography, sex talk without their permission or consent - either through coercion, blackmail or force, would be sexual abuse.

On a more deeper level, every sexual abuse involves -

1. self-esteem - Every victim, feels their self-esteem eroded - irrespective of whether it was a one time act or ongoing. They feel cheap, disgusted, dirty - when it's the perpetrator should feel that way.

2. narcissism - Dr. Karyl McBride once wrote in her blog that sexual abuser is the ultimate narcissist. Perpetrators don't give a rat's arse about what their victims feel. They want to feel good or humiliate victim (which also makes them feel good) and that's all they care.

3. violence - sexual abuse is a form of violence. it's a tool that perpetrators use to dominate victim sexually. that's why, emotional abuse generally accompanies sexual abuse.

4. dominance and control - perpetrators like to dominate and control their victim. controlling someone sexually gives abusers the ultimate high.

5. amusement - esp in case of child abuse, perpetrators are amused by lack of sexual knowledge in children. introducing them to sex makes them feel amused....like they are introducing kids to something "naughty"....it's like they are spoiling their "purity and innocence". Most pedophiles who act on their urges and narcissists who molest children are likely to use "innocent and pure" to describe children. perpetrators who abuse adults are amused by holding the power button and a very complying victim.

This is my view....gathered in my research so far....i am not a psychologist....but there are plenty of books you can learn more from.

Now a hand on the knee in an office could be something like friendship and person sees as a sign or openness or it's sexual harassment. Sometimes, gut feeling are far more educative than books!!