[atomicc]

I'm sorry if this isn't the proper forum but I do really need some help with this. It might be long. This is something I don't think about often but I am aware of it. There's clear memories and fuzzy ones. Recently I was triggered and this came to my mind. I have never before spoken about this.
When I was in elementary and middle school I took a school bus to and from school. We had basically all the same people on the bus for many years. I was one of the last spots, Megan was the very last, so I was on it for a long period of time. There were these two boys, one white and one black, who I had known from the bus for years. They were a year younger than me. When I was in 7th and 8th grade they began to get very sexually aggressive, I guess hormones kicked in. There were three other girls who were also "teased" by them but I don't remember if it was that bad for them. I remember they were in their grade and friends inside and outside of school so they were less bothered. I don't remember much of what they experienced, only my own so I will tell it.
These two boys would take turns on the bus or sometimes both of them would corner me in the bus seat and make sexual comments and grab at my chest. They would often hold me down in order to laugh and touch me inappropriately, whether it was my chest or my butt.
I remember clearly one of them sat in the seat next to me and refused to leave and forced his hands into my pants. I asked him to stop but he didn't. He never went all the way down there but I was comfortable none the less.
They were not always sexually aggressive though...some days they would be verbally abusive telling me that I was ugly and no body liked me and to get the **** away. I remember one of them kicked me in the chest once when I was just sitting there quietly. I remember he left a foot print on my shirt.
So it would go this way, they would corner me and be inappropriate then the next day they'd tell me I was ugly and no one liked me and then it'd go back to grabbing at me.
I don't know how I feel about this. It has been uncomfortable to type. I just feel kind of dirty about it, but I also feel as if I'm over reacting. I feel like it's just "boys being boys".
I could use some help..I'm debating whether to bring it up to my T, I have never told anyone..mother..friends..anyone.

Yes, that is sexual assault. I am sorry that happened to you. It sounds awful.

[Teddy:)]

I completely understand where your coming from, I have a similar issue. Something my T asked me the other day made a heap of memories come back, memories that deep down i knew were always there but I kept telling myself nothing happened and I think over time I believe myself.

I told my T that I wasn't sexually abused when she asked but at that time I had a really blurred version of what sexual abuse was. My dad was never affectionate, it was extremely rare to get a hug from him, but then when my mum married my stepdad he was extremely affectionate, so I think in a way I had no real idea of what a male should and shouldn't do. So I created my own views on what is 'normal' behavior and I am only now reliesing that what I had thought all along was in fact what shouldn't happen.

I am too contemplating telling my T, I have written everything down so I think I am either going to read it out next session or get her to just read it, but I am a bit scared of what my reaction will be when I tell her cause like you I have kept it secret my whole life and I think I have somehow suppressed my feelings about it.

But I reckon you should tell your T, those things shouldnt of happened and there is obviously a reason why you are beginning to remember stuff so by telling her she can work through it with you and you never know you may feel a weight lifted off your shoulders, I know that's what I am hoping for

Good luck with what ever you choose!

[atomicc]

Originally Posted by roseleigh7

Yes, that is sexual assault. I am sorry that happened to you. It sounds awful.

Thank you very much for replying.

[Poppy Princess]

That's awful. Absolutely disgusting, and it never should have happened. I'm so sorry

[the abyss]

i am sorry that happened. this is a common experience in any school with young teenagers. this does not make it right . if it bothers you , you should talk to some one about it.
take care

[atomicc]

Originally Posted by the abyss

i am sorry that happened. this is a common experience in any school with young teenagers. this does not make it right . if it bothers you , you should talk to some one about it.
take care

Yes, I figured it was common and that's why I'm reluctant to even bring it up to my T. It does bother me when I am triggered to remember it but I feel like it's not real sexual assault or anything. Just boys horsing around and every one experiences it.

[Lonely_90]

I'm sorry this happened to you, it's sad that we send our kids to school and we expect them to be safe, and awful things like this happen. I also had boys who would touch me inappropriately. In 8th grade I had a "boyfriend" he would try to kiss me on the bed and he would touch me, I eventually got so uncomfortable I told my mom, who of course told the school, I feel really guilty because he was my "boyfriend" even though I didn't like him very much. Then when I was 14 I started working at mcdonalds, there was a manager who would touch me, he would come behind me and put his hands in my pants or hold my boobs, he did this to several other girls as well, none of us knew what to do since he would just walk away after.

[Lonely_90]

Bus not bed oops

[atomicc]

Originally Posted by Lonely_90

I'm sorry this happened to you, it's sad that we send our kids to school and we expect them to be safe, and awful things like this happen. I also had boys who would touch me inappropriately. In 8th grade I had a "boyfriend" he would try to kiss me on the bed and he would touch me, I eventually got so uncomfortable I told my mom, who of course told the school, I feel really guilty because he was my "boyfriend" even though I didn't like him very much. Then when I was 14 I started working at mcdonalds, there was a manager who would touch me, he would come behind me and put his hands in my pants or hold my boobs, he did this to several other girls as well, none of us knew what to do since he would just walk away after.

One of them actually begged me to be his boyfriend once when we were a few years younger and I said yes for like a day...few years later and this goes on. I was scared to sit on the back of the bus with them..but knew I'd be ridiculed if I didn't since I was in 8th grade (eldest kids got the back of the bus). The touching was bad enough but then the next day they'd curse at me and tell me I was ugly..it got me so messed up. Even now I cringe.
I'm sorry someone hurt you as well, I don't know why young boys can be this way..

[Lonely_90]

I in no way am condoning their behavior, I was only speaking about the hurtful words they said to you. No one should be put through this, I'm sorry if I upset u

[Bill3]

I'm so sorry about what those boys did to you.

I just feel kind of dirty about it, but I also feel as if I'm over reacting. I feel like it's just "boys being boys".

I think that both of those feelings would be good to talk about with your T.

[blueredgrey]

Dear atomicc,

Sorry for all you've gone through. You shouldn't feel dirty about it at all....you were the victim here....and now a survivor of this sexual assault and bullying.

You are not overreacting. Bad incidents in school sometimes last a lifetime. This is not a case of "boys will be boys" or "hormones kicking in".....if that was the case, all boys will behave like these jerks...but that doesn't happen. Probably they were being abused at home....not that it excuses their behaviour. Generally when a child does something wrong - an adult is responsible for it.

These boys were bullying you and sexually assaulting you. You should definitely talk to your T about it. You should also talk to your parents about it. Sometimes, we subconsciously blame our parents for not protecting us - so it would definitely help.

Good luck!!