[Iamwho]

My Dad showed me and my brother black and white pornos when we were kids.
He had naked women pictures on the walls of the garage and sex books in the book case. I grew up thinking this was normal. As kids, my brother and me once tried unsuccessfully to have sex. This was over 50 yrs. ago. Why am I just now realizing how wrong all of this was?
Was this sexual abuse?

Yes it was sexual abuse.

It's difficult to see how something is wrong when it's all we know at the time.

Are you seeing a therapist to help you process all this?

It will help you to heal and become a healthier adult.

[steelfang]

I think you and your brother would greatly benefit from psychotherapy.

Abuse leaves scars on they psyche that take years to heal.

[Iamwho]

Sorry I have taken so long to get back to this.

Pfrog, I haven't seen a therapist or told any one about this. Seems I am just now admitting this to myself. It maybe to late for me to get professional help. I will be 59 in January and haven't had a paying job since 1995. I have no immediate family left, only my husband, his family and his grown daughters.

Steelfang, my brother was diagnosed with schizophrenia after my father made him join the army, because he was failing in high school. He passed on earlier this year. My father passed in Dec of
2012.
Since it has been decades since the abuse is it really worth it to drag all this up again? There were also other severe mental traumas. I am hoping talking about it here and getting feedback from others will be enough.

[Neptune83]

Yes definitely sexual abuse. Educating your kids about sex is one thing, exposing them to porn is totally another. The fact you and your brother attempted sex together goes to show the impact it had on you two.
I wouldn't say it's not worth dragging up, there are so many survivors of abuse that don't tell anyone until much later on, it's not uncommon.
You can talk as much as you like here and everyone will be supportive, but it's not the same as therapy. If you can, I'd ask to be referred to someone specialising in this subject. It might be painful talking it through at first, but long term it'll be extremely helpful.
I'm sorry to hear of your brother's passing.

[blueredgrey]

Dear Iamwho,

Showing porn to children is definitely sexual abuse. The fact that he had pics of naked women in the garage (a place everyone accesses) shows how sick he was.

Where does your mother fit in all this? Didn't she ever object to those pics in the garage?

Pls do work with a therapist. It's clearly affecting you. Time doesn't heal things, doing things heals things.

Good luck!!

[Open Eyes]

It is not uncommon to struggle with something like this many years after.

It sounds like you are at a point in your life where you are looking back on your life and realizing parts of it may have hurt you in some way.

You are describing a time when playboy was very popular and there was a movement towards being much more sexually open too. There were a lot of men that began feeling it was ok to have these magazines around and be more open about being sexually attracted to women. It was actually common for children to find these magazines and be curious about them too, and children "are" very curious about everything.

Your father got carried away with all of this and you are right, it was wrong of him to think it was "ok" to allow his children to view this material because all that did was give them ideas to explore and see, which of course children don't understand what all that means.

I am in my 50's too and I remember how it was such a big deal when Hugh Hefner encouraged more openness with sexuality. He created a fad that really caught on and I really don't think many of the young parents back then realized that their behaviors were not good for their children to be exposed to. I think parents just thought children would not be affected or pay attention either. Hugh Hefner was the ultimate playboy that many men dreamt of aspiring to. When I think about it that ideology stuck in many ways where men felt being rich gave them access to having "arm candy" and that was the "good life" and meant they were a success. I can recall seeing Hugh on the TV and he was pretty much always in his pajamas promoting that whole lifestyle.

I think it is important to consider that era because IMHO, it exposed children to imprinting messages that children simply do not have the capacity to understand, nor should they be even thinking about it at all.

There is still way too much "sexual suggestion" going on in many different advertisements and movies in the present too. I feel that children are over exposed and they are thinking about this way too soon now.

It is also important to consider the awareness and exposure to information we have now, verses back then. There really was so much that was just unknown back when we were growing up too. And keep in mind that during that time there were never media stories about child sexual abuse either, it was very hush hush at that time. Psychology and how we understand it now, has really evolved so much since that time too.

So when you are thinking about this part of your life you have to really look at overall society verses how much different it is now, because it really "is" different.

Hope that helps,

OE

[Iamwho]

Thanks Neptune83, I regret not seeing my family more. They were gone before I was able to deal with them more. Grateful for the many found memories I have of them.
Blueredgrey, reading the responses is making me cry. I have never cried about this or felt sorry for myself. I did feel very sorry for my mother and brother. Mom drove thru traffic to get to work during the day. If she complained I never heard about it.
My dad worked graveyard and swing shifts and began using uppers and downers. He had me roll the bennies that he would sell.
In my early teens mom had a nervous breakdown because my dad had stolen her $24,000 savings. He first said he killed somebody and needed the money to cover it up. But the truth was he spent it on hookers in Las Vegas. After spending a long time in a mental hospital, mom came home medicated and a compliant dutiful wife. The only thing her psychiatrist said to me was that I was mean.
Dad never drank or smoked and I have many found memories of him. But he always was too sexually explicit and it was hard to listen to him sometimes.
Hopefully I will be able to eventually speak to a professional about my strange life.
Openeyes, thanks for opening my eyes about that era. It helps to see the whole picture.