[ThisWayOut]

I don't know exactly what happened the last several days, but the memories have been triggered. I find myself thinking about it even when I am not in a flashback. I don't mean to, it just comes to mind. Then, if I can't get my train of thought switched in time, the falshbacks start again.
I know there was talk of my dad being around more (he's a huge trigger for me), but that was several days before all this started.
I find myself drifting off into the memories without really realizing that's where I'm going. I kinda want to talk about it with someone, but there really isn't anyone I would trust enough to talk about it to. I had a therapist until about 2 weeks ago, and will have another one again sometime in mid-January, but the down-time is rough.
I dunno. Any tips for dealing with it when there isn't a way to conenct with someone about it? I've been trying to keep distracted and/or occupied. I've tried writing about it, I've tried talking around it, but I don't know what to say. Maybe my problem is that I only ever really feel pressure to talk about it when there's no one around, so it's "safe" because it will never happen. I tried a few times in therapy, but froze up. :/
I had tried crisis chats twice recently, and they were both pretty crappy experiences for different reasons.
I dunno. Not sure what I'm looking for... maybe just to be able to say I'm struggling with csa stuff and really wish I had a T to talk to about it right now...

[gayleggg]

I hope things get better soon.

[Bluegrey]

((ThisWayOut))

Distraction sounds like a good idea, I do that a lot. Could it be the lack of a therapist that's making you worried, maybe?


Bluegrey

[RainbowG]

Is there any kind of support group in your area for victims of sexual assault? That might be a way to talk about it to people who understand.

Otherwise, all I can think of is forums like this and journaling. I know it's not the same as face-to-face talk, but these are places where you can at least let it all out. Whenever I write about my past, I don't try to be "mature" about it. I get angry and mourn what was done to me. It helps not to feel like I have to be "mature" about it all the time.

Self-nurturing is also very important during these rough times. What do you love to do that you haven't done in a long time? Or perhaps there's something you've always wanted to do but haven't dared? I guess these are distractions but of a special kind because they help soothe the sadness.

[ThisWayOut]

the local support groups are run at the SA crisis center, and you have to be a client to get into them. I tried when I saw a therapist there, but they didn't have any adult groups at the time I do journal about it, but ti still feels like I'm carrying it by myself. I hope whomever the next T is can help me with it...
I'll have to give the self-nurtring thing some thought. I try, but a lot of the stuff I want to do for myself cost money (massage would be wonderful, though slightly triggering also)... I have been trying to spend more time in nature. Maybe just up that even more...
I think if I don't hear from a new T by Friday, I will call the agency... I know it's been the holidays, but it's been a really long 3 weeks.