[FaithisAlive]

This may not be triggering at all, but I wanted to be careful where to start... uummm... well...

All my life I have had a problem with sleeping. I have always slept VERY lightly.. waking at the slightest sound... I have had to "work" at falling asleep and never have slept very deeply.

Recently I started taking a medication that makes me drowsy and at first I was alarmed about dreaming... and then it turned into anxiety because I was falling so deep into a sleep.I would sleep for 2 or 3 hours..and startle awake suddenly.. only to be wide awake for a long time after,feeling anxious.

I mentioned it my therapist.... here is what we decided is going on; i have been conditioned to be afraid to close my eyes at night.. afraid to let my guard down...afraid to NOT be aware of my surroundings.

I do not yet have memories of my father coming to my room at night..I think it was in his bedroom.. my parents bed... most of the time.I do recall being awake in the wee hours listening to him because he was up too... sitting in his chair.. flicking his lighter open and shut.. I hate that sound!
I remember being afraid to let him know I was awake... I would even hold my breath as long as I could and breathe very slowly and quietly to try and keep him from noticing me. His chair was just outside of my bedroom door.

My T asked me what am I afraid of NOW that keeps me from sleeping..and I had to say nothing.. absolutely nothing frightens me about sleep....but my body is so trained to be this way... one of those inappropriate coping mechanisms... it was good then. but isn't working for me now.. not needed..

This theory makes sense to me.. that my sleep disorder was me being hypervigilant... scared... and now I can see how my body and subconscious mind both have been so much in the habit of it that it has continued all these years needlessly...

Any thoughts? Input? ideas on how I change it NOW? All comments welcomed and appreciated

Peace to all.. Faith

[biplol]

(((Faith))) It is heartbreaking to read about your childhood, I haven't been sexual abuse; but for some reason the sleep thing is the same for me.
I'm dealing wiht it right now; I havehad times when it was easier to fall asleep, but they don't last long.
On thing it work for me to relax me it was to write right before bedtime, even I did it in my bad, write about anything that is in your mind, whatever it is.
I hope you can find a way to finally start to rest.
~tons of hugs for you swettie~

Hi,
Sounds like I have a simliar problem - my Pdoc called it a sleep phobia. When I was a little girl, I would sleep under the bed, in closets. I do everything I can to avoid a deep sleep.

Due to some physical problems I've been having during last couple of years, I decided to go the medication route. Trazadone and ambien, I really didn't want to go the route of medication but I had to have more than 2-3 hours of sleep so I did. I've gone off the medication ever once in a while for like a month to see if I could get sleep the natural way but couldn't.

That said, medication isn't for everyone. Some of the things that do work for me are:

Warm fuzzy blankets
honey in warm milk
Upping my calcium/Vit d/magnesmium by supplements
getting a recliner so I had a choice of whether to sleep in my bed or not
Getting white noise, like a air cleaner
Having a dog that sleeps with me
changing my bedroom to look less like a bedroom
going to sleep with relaxing music
use a pepermint lotion before bed
sleep with a nightlight

I'm so sorry that you are having this problem too. I find that it is frustrating to want to sleep but not being able to. Small measures that I mentioned above have gradually made me feel safer. For me that is the key, changing anything and everything that gives me more of a feeling of safety and comfy feeling.

sending good thoughts your way, Lu

[FaithisAlive]

Oh thank you thank you thank you Lu.. I have never know anyone to have the same problem as me...

i have done alot of the saem things to avoid slep. some not for years.. I too hid in the closet.. usually with a light of some sort.. even candles....whatever I could find.

I have always had to have it completely silent too... can't handle any noise at all. I only just realized that was so I could hear if someone was coming.

I have been on medications for it too because I do have fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue... trazadone did help but I was so afraid of that deep sleep i was going to that I stopped taking it.
What I am taking now for the fibro is making me sleep .. I have been going back to that deep sleep....

Thanks for your suggestions... Faith

[biplol]

Soo good to hear that faith.
I hope someday I'll rest like that.
~hugs~