urge to reconnect with family

I moved out of my parents' home at 17 and I've had essentially no contact with my family or anyone who knows them since. I did visit them for a week when I was 19 or 20; I spent most of the week curled up in bed because just being home brought up so many painful old feelings...

Several more years have passed. Lately I have been increasingly anxious to find out what's happened to my family since. I don't really want a relationship with them, I just want to know if they are okay.

I've been trying to figure out where that urge to "reconnect" is coming from. Is it just innocent curiosity? Am I still feeling guilty for not having helped my younger siblings? Am I not allowing myself to be happy unless the rest of my family is happy too? Do I want to know if any of my family members have managed to "turn their life around" to gain hope for my own future? Or to the contrary, am I hoping to feel better about myself by hearing that other family members are struggling even more than I am? Am I unconsciously hoping to re-establish a relationship with my family and get that "happy family" I never had? So many questions, so few answers...

Has anyone experienced something similiar?

I think there's a natural curiosity that goes with this type of thing. I haven't spoken to my father in 5 years, and I do get curious. But I know he's bad for me and my life, and as hard as it is, I have to accept that I won't know whether he ever changes.