[blueberryxcookie]

I'm not sure if this is in the right thread, i'm new.
So this isn't my first abusive relationship. Last relationship I was in ended in me going to the cops. This one is different. He has a record already for acting out and being charged for battery for hurting his ex girlfriend. We practically jumped right into the relationship because I thought he was just so sweet. We would have sleepovers behind everyones' backs and I told him today that enough is enough and that I don't want to keep doing sleepovers anymore because it's too sneaky and my family would kill me if they knew. Basically he flipped out and said how are we supposed to have time together then? he doesn't have a job or a car. he's 20. i'm 18. I just graduated high school and i'm trying to get my life together. Today he walked to my house even though I said no just stay at your house, he arrived anyway. It took him about 3 hours. But yesterday, he told me that he got a text from someone saying they're going to find him... probably because he owes a guy over 100 dollars for drugs. While he told me in person, I looked away for a split second and he flipped out saying how disrespectful i was being that i wasn't looking right at him and him saying oh my girlfriend doesn't care my life is in danger. He had no proof of the text and apparently deleted it and claims he doesn't remember the name of who it was. Today though...Apparently a lot of stuff happened on that walk to my house. He said he was being followed by a black car and would keep going down back streets and it was still following him. he told me to call the cops but i figured he was just being paranoid. He told me he called the cops and they came by and got the people in the car and him. He said "the people in the car that was following me had two guns, cocaine, and a piece of paper with my name and address and your name" and I started getting kinda worried. He called me disrespectful again because he said "oh you only worry when something involves you but never me. When I walked up to your house you didn't ask if i was okay or anything no worry or nothing" i was too scared to bring it up so i let him just talk about him and run his mouth. i didn't know what to believe. i kinda did think he was on games. he was texting and calling me constantly, but he said "i told you to call the cops because if i call on the phone while they're following me, the people in the car are going to assume i'm talking to the cops and shoot me"... yet apparently he did call the cops. anyway. he took my phone and said "im keeping this now im going to sell it to a pawn shop" and started walking away. and i said "come on give it back" and started getting loud even though i shouldn't have. he said "oh you care about your phone more than me huh!?" and getting in my face and stuff. Mind you, he's bipolar/schizophrenic. He went to anger management yet he still takes anger out on me, then turns around and says i should've done this and i should've done that. he used to be on meds but stopped taking them cold turkey because he didn't like how it made him feel. I don't know if i should believe his story or not. Half of me thinks it was a story he made up just so i would worry about him and not want to break up (we were arguing before he got to my house about breaking up because of the sleepover thing), but the other side of me thinks it could've actually happened and it's kind of believable. He didn't tell his best friend the story because he said he keeps "business" life separate from "personal" life. When he said my name was on the piece of paper in the car that was following him, he said "this is why i don't mix the two together." So my questions are... what do i do? do you believe the story? i told him I believe him just so he would stop getting so mad. I've tried breaking up with him in the past but he always got abusive and in my face and takes my phone and threatens to smash it and run away and sell it to a pawn shop. He's choked me and since he's taller than me, he towers down over me. I'm a small chic. So... help me? please?

[kaliope]

hi blueberry
you say you are trying to get your life together and you have already been in one abusive relationship. you recognize that this relationship is abusive. I ask, why do you want this is your life? do you want to continue to be bullied, threatened, physically abused, lied to, have your property taken away and possibly destroyed? or would you rather have someone who would love and cherish you, care for you, treat you kindly, respect you? you can have that you know. you are not to young to contact a domestic violence shelter and go to counseling there so that you can understand the cycle of abuse so that you can break the cycle in your own life.welcome to psych central. you will find that we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome

[Tremor]

It sounds like you care about him and that you feel sorry for him. Unfortunately, no matter how much you care for him and try to help him, he has to help himself...just like you have to help yourself. Your relationship sounds like it has a lot of drama and with the added drugs and him owing money...well, it just doesn't sound good. Sorry...
I know it takes a lot of strength and there will definitely be more drama in your future, but please try to separate yourself from him by any means possible...ask for help from friends and family and see if there is a local support place for domestic violence.
I was in an abusive relationship for 8 years and he and I had 2 children together and it was very tough to get away. I do understand how hard it can be. Please think about what possibly might happen if you don't leave him...imagine the worst, because it might just happen and you need to think about those scenarios so you can stop doubting your own judgement and trust yourself to do what you need to do to help yourself.
Remember : trust your instincts!!!!!

[Alone & confused]

Honey, I agree with them! Sneaking around & keeping things hidden will only keep you trapped! I was a "silent" victim of abuse for 16 yrs of my life & I'm Lucky to be here to talk about it! Please, find people you can trust and tell them what's going on! Be it a family member, law enforcement, abuse hotline..... Something! There's nothing you can do to help him by being his victim. He needs help that you're not qualified to give. He needs professional help. And you need to save yourself as well! I've been choked unconscious, had guns & knives pulled on me, black eyes, beat with a belt, thrown onto the pavement, all kinds of things by two different husbands! I found a way out & never looked back! I don't want that kind of life for You, or any one else!

[Yoda]

You cannot fix him. He is violent already and it will only get worse. I was abused and I know sometimes they can be sweet but 'sometimes' isn't enough.

If he threatens you you should get a domestic violence petition.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline | 24/7 Confidential Support
1-800-799-7233