Sexual abuse...I really need support!

Last week I told my T that I was sexually assaulted when I was little. It was the first time I had ever told anyone in my life...ever. Since then, my life has been, well, let's just say, not good at ALL.

I know I'm not, but right now I feel like the only one who's ever been through that before. I feel horrible about speaking up about it and I keep regretting that I did. I feel so alone.
This burden that I've carried for so long, I thought it would be lifted by talking about it...but it sure doesn't feel that way. Over the past week the nightmares and everything have intensified like never before.
I just, don't know what to do

I would discuss this to your therapist on how you're reacting after telling them that about this. But it might be that it was suppressed for so long that now that it's coming out and this is how its coming out of you. Sometimes when we realize things and we face them head on this is how it happens it acts in a very violent rough manner but then it gets better after that. I have to tell myself this everyday cuz I'm still going through the rough part of my depression. Even though we didn't have the same things happen to us we still face depression and we have that in common . And we still have emotional scars. You can friend me if you want that way we can talk anytime you want on the instant message you're saying or you can just PM me my name is Ashley BTW.

~Ashley~

Dear Stronger,

For the iron to become stronger, it has to pass through fire.

I am so sorry you were sexually assaulted as a child. You are right....unfortunately you are not the only one. But life is not about comparing your pain and sufferings. Every experience, good or bad is unique to you. You have to rejoice or face it, yourself. Sure, if you have supportive family and friends, it helps.

You are right in saying that it's a burden you've carried for too long. I think now you've come to the stage where you are able to do something about it. Initially, admitting it to anyone, be it a therapist or yourself, is hard. You regret. You cry. You feel angry. You feel guilty.

It's a barrage of emotions which flood you, which you don't know how to handle.

But it's just part of the process. Slowly, you'll learn to handle the bad incident and slowly you'd start your journey towards healing and becoming stronger. It's like you've been carrying a monster on your back for a long time and now you've thrown it down and ready to fight it.

The first time i admitted to myself, I cried till my head hurt and nose blocked. Today I can talk about without emotions overwhelming me.

Hang in there. Work with your therapist. It's all for good. There is a light at the end of this tunnel

PS - Maintaining a journal or blog or diary can be really, really helpful.

I also felt overwhelmed, isolated and alone at first.

I also had intense flashbacks and thoughts and feelings.

I think that's because we kept it repressed for so long that when we finally set it free all those feelings we'd kept bottled up started spewing from the bottle like a soda that's been dropped and busted open.

Keep talking to your therapist ... It does get better, but the only way around it is to go straight through it now.

I'm so sorry you were abused ... Nobody ever deserves that ... Especially an innocent child.

I got me a stuffed animal to represent that wounded child inside me and I gave that stuffed puppy (Wags) all the love and care and concern and gentle encouraging words of support I never got from my abuser and found it to be a tremendous help in my process.

I hope you also find ways to nurture and love that wounded child inside you too.

Dear Stronger

I am sorry to read what you are going through. I can relate to what you say as I have experienced nightmares caused by facing up to the reality of my own abusive childhood. In my case the abuse was emotional. The wounds are very deep and I too am waiting for these to heal or at least to a point where I don't think about it all the time. By recognising your past was abusive and having the strength to admit it to others is the first stage in getting through the pain. I think the nightmares are only to be expected.

Please don't think you are alone! Sadly we are the unfortunate ones who have to face these issues and it feels very isolating and can be overwhelming. I find talking really helps although it can be very draining. Most importantly do not blame yourself as it is not your fault. It is hard not to I know and I am having to learn this too. I try to think about all the lovely people there are in the world to help restore my faith in human nature.

I had the same reaction a month ago when it was brought up with my T, he suggested a lot of mindfulness to help me get out of my head a lot.