[pacific_nw_living]

My mother passed away when I was 7. I still remember her but I wish I could have had more time with her. Now that I'm 15 I often wonder how this has effected mentally. By that I mean the way I think, act, and deal with things. I know with what is given above that you cant really answer me so Ill start from the beginning.
For as long as I can remember my parents would always be fighting. They were happy at some point, I can see it in pictures of trips that we went on. It hurts me deeply to not be able to remember these times and I often find myself feeling jealous of my old sister (Jordyn who is now 22) because of it. I remember always noticing that my parents had really abnormal sleeping patterns but when you're a kid this stuff just kind of seems normal. My dad lost his job and we moved in with my grandma. After that we do so much jumping around and so much couch surfing that I literally cant remember all the places I've lived. My father would be with us sometimes but not others. I never asked why, I guess I learned to not ask questions you don't want the answers to at a young age. Somehow we ended up back at my grandmas when I was in kindergarten. My dad works in the refineries and his job takes him all over the country. He came back into our lives right before a job he had to go to. He decided to bring me mom and that she would work as a fire watch. When they left they decided that my Aunt would watch us (she also lived at my grandmas). At first everything seemed to be going perfect. They called all the time, told us about all the stuff they were buying, things were going good. Then out of nowhere their phones got disconnected and we lost all contact. 've gone through all of 1st grade without seeing them and hardly hearing form them (If I did at all, I really don't remember much) I finally get a call from them while I was packing for camp in July. It was my mom, she told me that they would be home when I got back from camp. I was so excited, I couldn't wait to finally see her, I didn't even really care about my dad, I was a mommas boy. I go to camp and after about 3 days decided to go home because I wasn't feeling it and just couldn't stop crying. I was greeted by a car with my dad and my aunt. I was ecstatic to see them and hurried to the car to get taken to grandmas. I get home and realize my mom wasnt there but like I said earlier I knew not to ask questions that I didnt want to know the answer to. My sister got back from camp about 3 or 4 days later when they sat us down outside and told us that our mom had died. I remember them having to hold me down because I wouldn't stop flailing around and acting berzerk, I cant help but shed a tear even recalling it. I never asked or was told how she died, but now that I'm older I've pretty much concluded that she died from an overdose and has a prior drug problem. I didn't really grieve, I just wouldn't think about it and would even lie to people about it. I still find it hard to be able to say I don't have a mom when someone asks something about her, and sometimes I somehow find a way to avoid it. My dad doesn't do drugs anymore but has an anger/temper/patience problem as a result of it. Hes still in the same business so when he goes on a job either one of my aunts or my grandma watches me. We don't get along. I prefer having him gone. I don't have many friend and the ones I do are mostly girls. Sometimes I even get made fun of for being gay even though I'm definitely straight.

Anyone who knows what they're talking about is welcome to comment on how they think this has effected me

[nicoleflynn]

Anyone who loses a parent at a young age.......of course it affects them.